Waiting Well

Whales, Adoption, and the Paint Aisle

2012-02-27T19:36:00.006-06:00

No, really. It all works together and makes perfect sense.

Yes. Please. Read on.

So I'm at Lowes with Creed going to the paint aisle to pick up some supplies. I have my "Superman Was Adopted" Shirt on. I love this shirt, btw.

I'm in the paint aisle looking over drop cloths when the Lowes Paint Lady asks me where I got my shirt. I tell her it supported a family's adoption. She asked me if I was an adoption advocate. I said yes and I put my hand on Creed's head and he smiles and unprompted he said, "I was adopted." The Lowes Lady said she was adopted too.

The Lowes lady smiles and asks how old he was and Creed can't remember so he gets embarrassed and runs the length of the paint aisle several times while I complete my conversation with the Lowes Lady. She then leaves.

Creed comes back and asks me "why did that lady say she was adopted?"

Creed does not ask questions about adoption hardly at all. So I'm not going to miss this opportunity. In the quiet of the empty Lowes paint aisle, I get on my knees so i can see Creed eye-to-eye and I begin to very simply talk with him about some basic "all people come out of tummies, but some kids' mommies are different than the person's whose tummy they come out of. Some are adopted by other mommies." (oh I know this sounds confusing but it is, isn't it?)

Creed looks in my eyes full on. I finish my very brief explanation, surprised by how serious he has become, until Creed then responds, "Whales have hair when they are born."

"Oh." I say. "Did you say that because baby whales come out of their mommy's tummies?

"No. I said that because baby whales have tiny hairs all over them."

Of course, then. See how it all comes together? Whales, adoption and paint aisles.

Why Did You Adopt Me?

2012-02-21T13:01:00.008-06:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about why we say we are adopting. Not we, as in Matt and me, but "we" as in Christians. Yeah. I know that already, I'm in trouble, since I'm thinking about the answer a collective whole like "Christians" would say about something. But bear with me and let's see where this takes us.

I feel like I can think on this because I read a lot of blogs, I'm facebook with a lot of friends in the adoption world, I hear a lot of adoption stories by Christians. So I'm making some generalizations, but again, let's see where this goes-- the comment button will be open at the end of this post.

When I think of the answers Christians give as to why they are adopting, these are the answers I think of:
Because the Bible/God Says so
Because the church is suppose to take care of orphans
Because I want to give a child a better life
Because I have the room and finances to do so
I don't want to get stuck in a "comfortable" life
Out of obedience to a calling
James 1:27, Mark 9:37 etc.
Because there are 147 million orphans and our family adopting will make one less orphan
Because God adopted me and so I need to return the blessing to someone else on earth

When I look at all these answers, I'm a bit saddened because I try to think about this through the eyes of an adoptee. I'm not an adoptee. I've only read books about being adopted, so I can't say that I know first-hand what these answers would sound like to a child/young adult who was searching for significance. But I can only imagine saying to my son when he comes to me, and asks:

Why did you adopt me?

And my answer to him is:

Well hon, there are millions of orphans and you were one of those millions. We had room for you in our house and we felt like it was an act of obedience to do what it says in Scripture to care for orphans and bring you into our home.

This sounds cold to me. This sounds so "we were just going through the motions and you were one of those motions." This sounds to me like something someone who was running an orphanage would say, not leading a loving family. I can't imagine this being an answer to my son that would make him feel loved and wanted.

But I see it ALL the time on adoption blogs.

My bottom-line problem with all of this? I don't like it when people adopt for the reason of orphan care alone. I don't like social justice adoption. I don't like rescue adoption. I'm fine if the need, or a person's ability, or the staggering numbers or the horrific stories get a person to the place of thinking about adoption, but I believe all of this must, by the mystery of God, transform to a heart's desire for a beloved son or daughter. Otherwise, adoption is an act of social justice. I just can't imagine social justice adoption going over well with a young adult who is grieving and processing his place in the family and world.

There is the Scripture in Psalm 37:4 that says delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. I believe the desire in a heart that is God-given is a healthy place to draw from when choosing to adopt a beloved son or daughter. And maybe this desire has come about out of obedience to care for orphans, to give a child a home, to give a reason for the extra rooms and finances a person has. But those things alone are not an adequate reason for a child when they ask "Why did you adopt me?"

I don't like that phrase about 147 million orphans and now through adoption there is one less orphan in the world. My very personal contribution to this number is not to make one less orphan but to make ONE MORE SON OR DAUGHTER in my house. That is where the healing will take place not in the 1 minus 147 mil.

Adoption is a very personal, deeply emotional covenant made between family members, and it should be out of a deep longing and God-given desire to bring home a beloved son or daughter. This is the only answer I can imagine giving to my son that can help him begin to balm his wounds, and this is the only answer I can imagine for my family when deciding to commit to such a forever relationship.

It is not about making one less orphan. It is about offering a child a place as a beloved son.

Note to reader: I'm setting aside the reasons of infertility. That's a different blog post-- one in which I can personally speak to. One BIG topic at a time :)

According to Creed

2012-02-20T20:01:00.004-06:00

At night we pray with the boys before we tuck them in. Pancake has been a high priority on the prayer list for all us.

After we prayed for the Pancakes to awaken to a big breakfast and a peaceful day, I said to Creed, "You know, Pancake is going to be waking up soon."

Creed asks, "Why?"

And silly me, I start explaining some sad version of the earth's rotation. Creed interrupts me to say, "oh! Ethiopians are nocturnal!"

I said, "I hope not! Or you'll need to be the one to stay up with her all night."

So, Creed went to sleep tonight thinking Ethiopians are nocturnal.

The Boys Getting Anxious

2012-02-17T10:37:00.004-06:00

With the new year and with both Matt and I's increase in anxiousness about the timeframe of our Ethiopian adoptions, our very perceptive boys also have become a bit more anxious with the adoption of our kids. West is excited about a sister and Creed is anxious about the trip.

We plan to take the boys with us. West really just needs to see it happen. He remembers staying home when we went to get Creed, and he seems to have an empathy for children without mommies and daddies that just causes him to want to be a part of bringing our child into our family first hand. It is very endearing.

Creed, being 5, has a few other understandable concerns:

Creed: "What will they feed us on the airplane?"
Me: Well, we'll have all our meals on the airplane for the first day -- dinner, breakfast. We'll be on the airplane for a long time.
Creed: What will we get after dinner?
Me: You mean will we get dessert?
Creed: Yeah.
Me: Yes. we will get dessert. a cookie or a small piece of cake or something.
Creed: candy. will we get candy? Can we bring a bag of candy?
Me: (sensing his unspoken anxiousness) Yes Creed. We can bring bags and bags of candy.

He is definitely a little concerned about the trip-- mainly about the shots. I finally coaxed him to agree to shots by telling him that we can't drink the water in Ethiopia so we drink Coke all day long. I know, this is going to require at least one coke /day for Creed while we are there (he doesn't drink coke at all now), but if this makes Creed excited about a once in a lifetime trip, it's worth a little sugar bribe.

What We Can Promise

2012-02-13T22:12:00.008-06:00

It is hard to go to Zeway, Ethiopia and not want to make promises to fix many of the problems facing the orphans and dying widows who live there. What makes this especially difficult is that in Zeway, an amazing macchiato costs less than a quarter, a hotel costs $5 a night and an good salary can be about $50 a month. How far our money can go in the Ethiopian economy.

So when a child asks for something or when the physical need is obvious, it is hard to not to promise these kids that we will fulfill that need.

Especially when they ask for a bottle of water, a Bible, a stable home, school supplies, new clothes.

And while a big part of the partnership is supplying physical needs, when a team goes to Ethiopia, it is not our place to be the givers of these needs. We don't want to be viewed as
"Santa Claus". It is the role of Food for the Hungry and the local churches to deliver these things; people who are there everyday to mentor, follow-up, and be the daily support for these children.

So what is it that we can promise these kids? There is one thing that I have said to every kid that I have visited in Zeway. A promise I have made to each of them.

"I promise that I will ask about you. You are remembered. I may live across an ocean, but I want to know how you are -your health, your education, your siblings, your relationships, your soul. I will think about you and I will ask about you."

Mother Theresa wrote in her memoirs, "There are poor people everyone, but the deepest poverty is not being loved."

Dr. Karyn Purvis, a leading adoption psychologist, says that a basic need a child has is to know he is precious.

So how do we get these children out of some the deepest places of poverty? How do we fulfill their basic needs? We let them know they are loved. That they are remembered. That they are precious.

So that is one problem they have that I can promise to do something about. I promise to ask about them and to think of them and to remember who they are as children of God. We are blessed to know the names and faces of the orphans who are part of the Hope in Ethiopia Partnership.

Can you make this promise to the orphans of Zeway too?

Soon we'll be publishing a photo book of the names and faces of all the Zeway orphans. With this, people will be able to know these children and pray for them. Others can promise to remember these precious and loved children.

It is the one promise we can make.

What I Saw, Felt and Heard When I Met Hiko

2012-02-13T22:00:00.006-06:00

I met Hiko in June of 2009. It was my last visit of the trip we took to explore the possibilities of a Partnership between Grace, Food for the Hungry and the Zeway churches. Here is what I saw, heard and felt about that visit with Hiko in June 2009:

I saw a small, thin girl being coaxed down from a tree she was hiding in
I saw a small crowd of people gather around us as she came down from the tree.
I saw a small, thin girl being guided by the social worker to sit by me on a small bench.
I saw this girl cower and lean completely away from me.
I saw small fleas between layers of her clothing.

I heard questions from the social worker directed toward this girl.
I heard the social worker tell me her name was Hiko.
I heard that she was moved to this neighborhood after the social workers found her sleeping on her father's grave.
I heard that she did not have a place to live, but begged for meals and shelter daily.
I heard an old woman snarl something at this girl that I did not understand but knew it was not kind.
I heard nothing from Hiko. She said nothing.

I felt despair and hopelessness for this child.
I felt anger toward the people who treated her poorly.
I felt sadness that she did not speak or even seem to hear what anyone was saying.
I wept when I leaned in to hug her goodbye and she fell into me and knocked me on my knees and sat there on my lap.

The team left her thinking she would not survive.

She was added to the Orphan-Headed Household Partnership as soon as it was developed.

And then in March 2011, I met Hiko again.

I saw a beautiful girl walk up to me.
I saw that she had clean clothes, braided hair, a light in her eyes.
I saw that she was at school with a big smile on her face.

I heard that she had a home
I heard that she was doing well at school
I heard that she was attending a church
I heard that she remembered our first meeting.

I felt overjoyed.
I felt like praising God for his mighty works in lives
I cried tears of joy as I went to my knees to look into Hiko's eyes.

Hiko did survive. She is going to school. She has food and shelter. She is learning about God's future and hope for her life.

Adding a Few Posts

2012-02-13T21:55:00.002-06:00

So I got a bit nostalgic today over another blog I use to have and that was the zewayupdate.blogspot.com . We switched the blog to a website, Hope in Ethiopia and so a lot of my old posts are just sitting on the blog collecting dust. I decided that I'm going tomove a few of my favorite ones over to the family blog. I hope you enjoy :) And if you really enjoy them, be sure to go to the website and find out how you can be part of a partnership to care for orphan-headed households in Ethiopia.

19 months today

2012-02-12T20:14:00.001-06:00

19 months today and hopeful of 2012.

I helped lead an adoption and foster care conference this past weekend in Austin and now that that is over, my distractions are few. Oh man the time is going to go slow this year.

Don't Stare at the Clock

2012-01-25T15:33:00.004-06:00

So as of December we were in the top 18 families in the Gladney line-up.

Woohoo! That number sounds great! I've been so eager for the past week to get the updated stats for January, because, you know, when you are in the top 18 of families, things start really movin', right? I mean the numbers just clip along and as fast as fast, we have a referral, right? Right??

No. No. Not like that at all. Just got the stats and we are . . we are . . . in the top 17 of families waiting.

Like staring at the clock, anticipating each click of the big hand. And after a month, the big hand just. clicked. one. tick.

Blech.

My Trusty Adoption Companion

2012-01-20T08:25:00.009-06:00

I have a spiral index card holder that has been around for 7 years or so that I started writing Bible verses in about waiting, discernment, God's character, and about children. This little index card spiral has been all over with me. I remember flipping the pages nervously while waiting in the hallway before each of my boys' court appointments in Russia. It has been to orphanages while I waited to see my children. And I've flipped through it countless times in my restlessness at home while I wait.

I pulled it out this morning, and amidst all the great verses, there was one in particular that drew me in. Psalm 139: 13-16 but particularly verse 16:

Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in your book they were all written, the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them.

Pondering this verse, I imagine a book that begins with a child's life in Ethiopia. The story begins with two possible scenarios: perhaps joyously at the announcement of a child's birth. Or it begins with great sadness as a mother's heart weighs heavy with the concern over her child's birth.

Either beginning has a similar ending-- great tragedy. Tragedy happens that causes this child to be abandoned or orphaned. And then I imagine in this book the lines that read of songs of deliverance have been prayed over this child to bring God's mercy into her life: loving protection.

Then this is the part where a new family comes in. I find great comfort in the fact (for me and this child), that God has a plan for both of us. It is already written in the lifebook what will happen. It is not a mystery to God and He has ordained our lives together, as a physical representation of His ability to bring restoration into a very tragic situation.

I often pray that the Lord would give me discernment and allow me to "read" ahead in the lifebook just a few pages so that I know who my child or children are. And with both of my boys, He did just that, and confirmed that these were my sons. He has even let me read ahead in lifebooks of children who were not mine and in just a line or two, He revealed to me that those children were someone else's. I believe He will do the same for our Ethiopian adoption and I'll continue praying for His discernment and will.

Working Through the Books

2012-01-18T19:40:00.002-06:00

You would think that I would feel better that 2012 looks like a good year for us, but actually it just allows for a lot of anxiousness in me. I'm ready. I'm done waiting. But it just isn't a sure thing either.

Seems like everyone is asking for siblings now. Probably because of the long wait, they think that they should get it over with now and get their 2 kids. Just seems like it.

So that may make the wait longer. May mean that we accept just one child. Definitely means that God will intervene and make it all good.

In the meantime, I'm working through the books. I'm finally reading through "In Their Own Voices" and I'm hitting every blog and website I can find about black hair care. Just so much reading I can do on that until I just need some black hair to care for.

As my anxiousness sets in, it feels familiar. I'm praying more. I'm seeking God out more for his word and his timing. That feels good. I've said with my first and now with my 3rd and maybe 4th child, I never feel closer to the Lord than when I'm waiting for my children. That is good.

My Due Date

2012-01-03T16:37:00.002-06:00

Finally, I think I can announce this now. It is not really a due date, but more of a due year. I think 2012 is my due year.

Now, consider that I was off by a full year with my son's adoption. He was to be home in 2005, but he came home in 2006.

And with my second son, I was two years off. He was to be home in 2006, but he came home in 2008.

But I'm feeling pretty good about 2012. And it is an even year and it seems that I fall toward the even years.

So, I think that maybe, our family will grow in 2012.

I think 2012 is my due year.

Sometimes, Lying is Good.

2011-11-30T19:40:00.004-06:00

I keep seeing these blogs of adoptive parents who feel like they need to share every feeling they have toward their adopted child. They claim that it helps others or that adoptive families have hidden these feelings or issues much too long and that everyone needs to know how hard adoption is.

It is hard. I read 20 different books before we adopted that, without the grace of God, would have made me run in fear. If you have ever talked to Matt or me about adoption, we don't hide this stuff. You have to count the costs.

But my problem with these blogs is not the feelings of the blogger or the issues they have with their kids. Those feelings are real and should not be an embarrassment or a source of guilt. It is because they are sharing them in such a public way. Blogging can be so raw too -- like a diary-- it makes it even more disturbing.

So for instance, the blog I just read shares how her and husband cringed when her adopted children hugged and kissed them for months (and she suggested even a year) after they came home. She said that she couldn't share a drink with her adopted child but she could with her biological kid. She said that she cringed when clipping her 9 year olds toenails. I've read other blogs where the blogger says that she sometimes longs for the days when she just had her bio kids --life being simpler and more comfortable.

These are horrible things to write publicly. The children who will someday stumble upon these words will be devastated.

Now, these feelings may be real. I fully support and think it is imperative that an adoptive family have a small group or a few close friends to work through some of these feelings. They are real, but that doesn't mean they have to be shouted out.

I also think that sometimes, a parent should just lie to their kids. I don't want to know every thought my mom and dad had about me. I don't want to know every feeling or lack of feeling my husband has for me. If my 3 year old asks me if I'm going to die -- I say no even though I know I could tonight.

I can't stand it when the readers of these blogs praise such honesty. I think it is really tragic. Tragic for the child who is going to read it someday, who is already dealing with birth family rejection and now must read how their adoptive family was disgusted by them or wished a life without them at times.

The blogger who wrote that clipping her son's toenails was so unpleasant made me think about Jesus washing the disciples feet. Or if you don't buy into Jesus, think about Mother Theresa caring for the deathly ill. I just can't imagine Jesus grimacing throughout the feet washing. And even if he did, it is not documented in writing.

This public oozing of very private feelings shouldn't happen. There is way to speak honestly about adoption publicly without sharing details about a very delicate and personal relationship.

Waiting . . year two . . .

2011-11-21T19:23:00.002-06:00

So we had a homestudy update today. Since we moved we knew this was coming. I was looking forward to it just because anything is welcomed if it feels like our adoption is moving forward.

And then our social worker reviewed when she was last meeting with us which was in April 2010. We talked about how West wasn't in kindergarten yet, how Creed still was a toddler.

And then we talked about how much longer we will likely have before referral. It is somewhat unknown given the current increase wait times in Ethiopia and because of the lengthier process that Immigration has made it for adoptive families. But about 8-12 more months based on current wait times.

But then we factor in who we are requesting. 2 children, a girl, etc etc. It narrows our window even more and certainly throws any kind of predictability out the window.

I know that we could make it easier on ourselves and keep it open with a request for one child and without a gender request. But things got very complicated when our 10-12 month timeframe started becoming 3 years. And we are not getting any younger. and to start this process over again and adopt a second time from Ethiopia just seems crazy right now.

So . . . . all this to say. I kind of have the blehs right now. sooooo stinkin long. and so unpredictable. We just don't know what God has in store right now!

How to Support Adoptive Families

2011-10-24T11:55:00.002-05:00

I just returned from the Together for Adoption Conference in Phoenix this weekend. This year about 500 people and leaders in the adoption and orphan care came together to share ideas and learn more about how to best care for adopted families, children and orphans.

Such a great time to be with so many people who love what I love. It is also a time where I see people who are so much more crazy than I can ever be. At this conference, I'm considered a very tame, and almost boring, adoptive parent with my two relatively trouble-free European kids! You see, this conference attracts those radical people who adopt 12 kids, or those who bring home 5 kids under 3 years old, or who adopt children with lifelong disabilities and diseases.

I've heard a lot of adoption stories but in groups like this my mouth can still drop at the amazing grace these families have to adopt children with trauma filled backgrounds, or when I hear of the extent to which people go to bring their children home (like an unexpected 12 month stay in Siberia???)

Now I'm going to boldly speak on behalf of adoptive parents: What I have learned as I encounter so many unique and often mind-boggling adoption stories is that what adoptive families need most (and I count myself as one of these) is grace. We need grace. Whether it be to the far reaches of the earth we go for our kids, or the unique ways that we parent our kids, or how many kids we bring home, we need grace from others!

We need judge-free and grace-filled support group, whether you understand it all or not (sometimes, we don't even understand the unique challenges our children face or at times, the unique methods to help our children through these challenges)

It is an unusual and a road less traveled that adoptive parents take. So a loving response is welcomed as adoptive parents seek out God's will for their lives and their child's. How can you (and everyone) support an adoptive family? Grace! Grace! Grace!

Being Used by the Rescuer

2011-09-25T19:18:00.004-05:00

I love the word rescue. It has such deep and profound meaning to me since we adopted our sons. In the women's Bible study that I attend we were all given verses or quotes to share aloud as a way to worship God. It was ironic to me and a bit surprising when I drew my slip of paper and all that was on it was "rescuer". Wasn't even a quote, but I went with it. I said it aloud to the group with great passion even though few people would have picked that up.

But man, it speaks volumes to me and about who God is.The first time I considered this word was when we were going through our first adoption process. I had dealt with infertility and the great desire to birth children. I was dealing with waiting for my children for many more years than I had expected. When the Lord showed us another way to build a family, I thought I was the one being rescued from hopelessness.

Nowadays adoption isn't just about adoption anymore. It is not just a solution for infertility and it is not just about continuing a family. These days adoption seems to get easily mixed up with caring for orphans. Many people have a deep compassion for fatherless children around the world and many get caught up in wanting to adopt for the lack of a better solution.

Some people can start off right --they are pulled in by the great need, the biblical calling, compassion, and a desire to help. And then something goes amiss. They start seeing themselves as the rescuer instead of the one being used by THE Rescuer.

Don't get me wrong, I believe many families are legitimately drawn to adoption by an experience in which they care for orphans. I wholeheartedly believe at some point adoptive families need to largely replace their compassion for orphans for their need and desire to have a son or daughter. Adoption is not just about having enough resources or space or shaking up your comfort to meet the needs of an orphan. It is about bringing a beloved son or daughter into their forever family.

Okay, here is where I may offend some people. I read a lot of adoption blogs. Many of them have verses and quotes all over them about how many orphans there are, scripture about caring for the orphan, the needs of orphans etc. It's all about orphans.

Not as many people share the profound and amazing scriptures about adoption. About how God takes us and adopts and and makes us co-heirs with Christ (Romans 8). Through God's adoption of us, we are made righteous. We carry His name, we represent Him, we are designated as His child. We have a place in His home. We are no longer orphans but children of the KING. This is profound and miraculous. And this is what we should be dwelling on as adoptive parents. All these things that the Heavenly Father gives to spiritual orphans should guide how we think about orphan adoption on earth.

We were once spiritual orphans needing the Heavenly Father. Our children were once orphans needing just a physical father. But our adopted children are no longer orphans. They were rescued from that plight, as we were spiritually rescued, by the sovereign God that somehow plucked them from the middle of anywhere and placed them in our arms. He sets the lonely in families (Psalm 68), and that is what causes us to desire a beloved son or daughter.

Adoption is about adoption. Adoption is not an extreme form of orphan care.

A Verse for Pancake

2011-08-20T09:55:00.003-05:00

All of my children have had a verse in which I pray for them daily while I await their homecoming. I found the one for Pancake just recently. It is in Psalm 32:6-7.

Therefore let all the faithful pray to you
while you may be found;
surely the rising of the mighty waters
will not reach them.
⁷ You are my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble
and surround me with songs of deliverance

Likely my children are born at this point. Very likely the flood waters are surrounding them as the instability of their lives is causing their mother to make a decision about how she can care for them. Food may be scarce right now. Illness may be overtaking their family members. A support system for their mother may be non-existent. The mighty waters are surrounding them.

But I imagine and I pray that the Lord places them above these waters on a stone in which the water will not reach them. I pray that they rest, find comfort and peace amidst the chaos of their lives right now.

The verse says that the Lord is a hiding place and with my children I have no doubt that He will be that for them. As I have seen Him do before, I believe He will protect them from trouble and I pray for God to follow through on His words in this Scripture.

And finally, and my favorite part -- the verse says that songs of deliverance surround the person who is in trouble. I wonder and I pray that those songs of deliverance for my children are my prayers, Matt's prayers and our family and friends prayers for our children to arrive safely home.

So I continue praying for peace, rest, comfort for my children and that their homecoming is soon. I pray that these songs of deliverance for them will surround them and comfort them and give their minds and souls rest as the flood waters swirl around them.

Keeping Things Interesting

2011-08-16T16:03:00.002-05:00

Since we are past our baby deadline by about 5+ months (ha! there is no deadline on these things) we decided to keep things interesting by putting our house on the marketing, buying a house and selling our house in about 4 weeks. We have a new school to go to and it is amazing that we are able to even start school on time given when we started this process.

Right now courts are closed in Ethiopia due to rainy season and they won't re-open until early October. Referrals will still be given out (which is the first step and what we are waiting for) during these months. But we are not expecting a referral this year. Given the past time frames since the slow down earlier this year, we will more likely get a referral in the spring.

When we receive a referral that is certainly an exciting time and one we anxiously await and prayer for. By when the real fun begins is Gotcha Day. This is the day I'm longing for. This is the sure sign from God that our referral is ours!

So we are beginning to think about packing up the house and moving to a new place. Where our Baby #3 and maybe #4 will play and eat and get loved on by their brothers. Comforting to think about.

1 year down

2011-07-18T20:08:00.002-05:00

so we are 1 year and 6 days waiting for a referral or referrals. no news. families before us seem to be lingering longer. It seems to be a couple to a few referrals a month these days. given that wait time (this is just what it "feels" like based on a lot of blog lurking-- there are no solid estimates right now from our agency), we won't be back in Ethiopia with a referral until 2012.

Creed and West and I were talking about the wait today. I asked them, candidly, why did it take so long to bring babies home???

They didn't know.

But I said that I knew they were worth the waiting :)

How's the wait?

2011-06-07T13:12:00.002-05:00

One would have to ask this question considering we are past the date in which we were suppose to receive our referral (if you are following that closely). In fact we have been waiting longer than we waited for our first Russian referral and if there are any of you still reading who followed our son's homecoming -- that was a really long time!

But we are past the original estimate. And even though the title of this blog is "Waiting Well" guess what we did when we hit the deadline? We started questioning whether or not we should be with the agency we are with.

We had to ask the hard questions. I don't believe it is being overly anxious or worrisome that we did this. It is due diligence to me. Just making sure we were doing the best for our family.

And we concluded that the agency is doing what they need to do. This is the nature of international adoption. It is working with foreign governments on different timelines. It is also working in an area that is close to God's heart (adoption and orphans) and so there are bound to be attempts to wreak havoc on the process.

From what I can tell, there is some pretty good havoc going on with the international adoption process. But God is in control. I can also see that there are some amazing things going on with indigenous adoption. God is moving to care for the Ethiopian orphan.

So we'll wait with great anticipation to see who God has for us.

Blueberry's Water Balloon

2011-05-27T14:18:00.003-05:00

Blueberry is a Springer Spaniel. In days long ago, her lineage was bred to fetch ducks for hunters. She had a job. I love dogs who at some point in their breed had legitimate jobs.

So Blueberry's family job was to pick up ducks and other water fowl. They were bred to have "soft mouths" just for this purpose.

Notice Blueberry is carrying around a water balloon. She carried it around and would sit by it and nuzzle it. Obviously she is still carrying her trait of having a soft mouth. So unusual that she wouldn't just pop it!

Overwhelmed

2011-04-27T16:46:00.003-05:00

Today I am overwhelmed by all the factors that are going into the wait time of our adoption. I can even look over my own blog post from last week and not really know what it all means.

My problem is that there are no numbers or time frames attached to any of this. I've heard from 2x to 8x the wait time. 8 x the original time frame is too long. That is just translated to mean "we have no idea". Give me twice the amount of time verses "we have no idea" and I'll be much much happier.

I know to fight my cultural expectations. We are a fast food nation, yadayadayada. I know this. I'm actually pretty good at waiting (if I do say so say myself :)

What I am NOT good at is flexible expectations. Now that is a whole different game. Changing dates aren't nearly as troubling as not really having a date.

That's what stinks.

Variables

2011-04-08T14:06:00.002-05:00

So we are in month 9 of our wait. Nine months was the original forecast of when we would receive our referral. Kind of a surreal thing to think that we are at that point already. But then again, there are a lot of factors that have changed that have made our adoption process much more lengthy. I don't think at 9 months we are even half-way done waiting at this point. There is a lot to this so I'll explain the best news as to why we have delays and then I'll list out the others.

The best and most exciting reason for delays in our referral :), is that we have changed our request to two children instead of just one. We talked and prayed through this crazy thought quite a bit and given factors such as age and unpredictability of international adoption these days, we want to get two while we can and then be finished (as far as we know ;)

That is the good news for the delay. Likely, we will need to wait for at least 6-8 additional months for 2 children.

The bad news for the delays are really out of our control and some of them I don't even fully understand. But here they are:
1. if our gov't can't agree on the budget, then various government offices will shut down. This includes the embassy which processes adoption immigration paperwork. If this closes down then there will be a backlog of cases.

2. The Ethiopian government is slowing things down. one reason is because of lack of staffing to keep up with the volume. The second reason is that because of the volume they are concerned with the oversights that happen when things move to fast. They want to make sure they are placing their children with the best families and that the children's paperwork is in order.

3. The U.S. immigration is requiring additional or more detailed paperwork in regards to the relinquishment of the child.

4. Our agency has been working through an investigation and while they are in the clear (as they assumed) and nothing was found that caused alarm, it still caused delays and a backlog of cases.

These are the jists of the delays (though there are many details with each of these). This is a lot! And it we will feel the time lengthen. Likely we will not bring our children home this year even. But we know this is all in God's hands. We remember God's dealings with our family in the past and we know He is faithful and has the best in store for us!

Puppy pictures!

2011-03-20T20:36:00.000-05:00

Our Blueberry!

A Puppy Perhaps?

2011-02-12T15:40:00.003-06:00

It's not perhaps anymore. We put a deposit on a 4 week old English Springer Spaniel puppy.

I found, though, that adoption terminology and living has permeated my brain through and through. As if this is a surprise to anyone who reads my blog.

But it is really bad, when you ask " Are we able to meet the birthdog?"

The other crazy thought I had (and Matt thought it too, so 2 crazies make one fun marriage!) was that if we get this puppy right now before I go to Ethiopia for a week, then won't the really mess up attachment? Shouldn't I be with this puppy for several weeks so that we can bond?

Oh . . and I guess i haven't mentioned in this blog either that I'm going to Ethiopia soon. not for adoption but for an orphan care partnership we have with our church and churches in Zeway, Ethiopia and with Food for the Hungry. More to come on that later!

But a puppy! We have a puppy picked out! I'm pleased as punch about my puppy :)

Happy Gotcha Day, Creed!

2011-01-31T14:57:00.002-06:00

3 years ago today, Creed became our forever son!

Maybe It Is Us --Delays . . .

2010-12-29T20:07:00.002-06:00

We received some frustrating news from our agency today stating that all movement in our process (and everyone elses) will be on a hold, at best for a couple weeks and at worst, maybe 6 weeks.

It has nothing to do Ethiopian adoptions in general and there is nothing that causes them to believe things won't be moving as usual in a few weeks (I don't know details on the situation either)

All this to say, the average wait increase to 9 1/2 months (from 8 months when we started), is now longer.

It is hard to describe how I feel about these increase wait times. In some way, it feels very normal-- I have a "of course it is longer" response. In some ways, I say to myself and to God "Really??"

We are going to talk with our agency soon to make sure we have all of our information and expectations set up correctly and until then we are thinking through a few things about waiting for one child or for two.

We are also considering a puppy. Puppies will make the wait time go faster right?

Looking Forward to 2011

2010-12-26T21:17:00.003-06:00

I'm excited about the 2011 year. It will be quite an eventful year as we anticipate our family growing to 5 (small chance of 6). I'm calling it the year of Ethiopia as I anticipate going there 3 times this year.

My first trip will be to Zeway, Ethiopia where our church and others in the community support orphan headed households there. It will be an exciting and emotional trip as the month I am going should also be in the range that we hear who our daughter will be.

Great changes are expected and I've been praying that it be a year of great joy for me and my family.

Update on the Wait

2010-11-25T20:42:00.004-06:00

We are 4 months into the wait until our child is identified and matched with us ( this a called a referral).

Now when we started 4 months was 1/2 way done, but the average wait time for a referral has increased to 9 months, so we are not quite there.

After we receive the referral and accept her, we will wait 4-5 months to meet our child and have a court date and then we will return about a month after that to get her. This time has also increased as well since we signed on.

And yes! that is a long time- about 6 months from the time we know her to the time we get her.

How am I feeling about this? It is ridiculous, it can be frustrating, and yet, I also know that this is the process we are in. This is the way it is. I'll pray for something other than this longer time frame, but I know that God's will is just what I want and just what will happen.

I don't mean to sound aloof or callous, but I also know that waiting is just a part of this and unexplainable time frames are common. I do get anxious when I think of my age and then that makes me think about how old I'll be if we have a #4 in our future. (oh my!). I also get anxious when I think about the average time frame and how it seems likely we are going to get stuck in the court closures. (court closes in Aug/Sept in Ethiopia).

But I've seen God work in these processes. I've seen man try to slow things down either purposefully or accidentally or with good intentions. I've seen God overcome what man or systems do. I've experienced how great God is not only in the end result but also through the wait. His grace is sufficient and it is a great blessing to be in it.

Prayers for Pancake

2010-11-08T09:38:00.002-06:00

Through both of our Russian adoptions, God pressed upon me specific prayers to pray for my children. Pancake has been no different.

And likely, the prayers that I have been praying for Pancake lately have been particular to the books and studies I've been doing about adopted children. But they seem to me like good prayers for any child without their forever family.

So if you would like to pray for Pancake, or if you have your own child you are praying for, or if you just want to pray for children waiting for adoptive families, here might be a prayer that you desire to pray:

I pray for our child in Ethiopia. Lord, give her mind and body rest this night. Let her sleep in peace. Let her nerves and impulses be at rest. I pray she looks and observes lovely things, godly things, good things. I pray she feels and hears loving touch and kind words. I pray that her birth family be at peace with one another. amen

I've been learning a lot about the neurological combined with the psychological development of a child at a very early age and even before birth. Even at infant stage a child can develop a fight, flight or freeze response to traumatic stimuli. What they see, feel, hear, smell, even just sense can affect their emotional and neurological development. Which is why I pray for rest and peace for my daughter in Ethiopia. I pray for a peace for her that surpassing all understanding.

Rules of Halloween

2010-10-31T17:42:00.000-05:00

Thinking of those days, when we would go to Grandma's neighborhood and hit every house there, I remember the rules that applied to Halloween night. They were quite simple and made a lot of sense.

1. First and foremost: ONLY go to houses with the porch light on.

2. ALWAYS say thank you (even if they hand you two of those orange and black wrapped peanut butter treats that would make the most desperate candy-seeker gag)

3. Do not cut across people's lawns.

4. When the door is opened, "Trick or Treat" is sufficient and the complete lyrics "Trick or Treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat" should be reserved for recitings only amongst peers

5. Only costumed trick-or-treaters get candy

6. Carrying a pillowcase as your trick or treat bag is frowned upon, but it can be used in mom's car to empty loot for a refill of the plastic pumpkin.

7. Anyone over 12 can be denied candy privileges at the candy-givers discretion

8. For the candy-giver: denying candy privileges to a trick-or-treater for the reason of age, lack of porch light, or no costume is due justice at times. However, remember that the verbal agreement may be fulfilled : Trick or TREAT

9. Having mom drive you to a richer neighborhood is acceptable. Making a point to drop by the house who gives full-sized candy bars is acceptable and encouraged.

10.Stealing all the candy in the bowl set out by the family who is not there is just that, stealing. Taking a little more than the allotted average, however, is permissible.

11. NEVER NEVER NEVER smash a pumpkin. Unless the pumpkin remains on the doorstep after Thanksgiving. People with December pumpkins on their porch should be fined by the State.

So there they are.

After several years of enjoying so many wonderful trick or treaters, I've also had my share of punks out there who don't know the rules. Knocking on the door without a porch light, the 30 year old who needed more to his life, the punks that not only stole all the candy in the bowl I left, but also my bowl (If I every find out who took my bowl . . . . . !)

Please teach your children Halloween etiquette. Do not let them grow up to be punks.

Adoption Fears

2010-10-22T10:24:00.000-05:00

Okay so I’m finally making a few comments on Moore’s blog post (see earlier posting by me) and it is also from a chapter of his book “Adopted for Life” . This is a book I would recommend as it is a book written on adoption theology that is readable by people like me (no seminary degrees here). There are a few statements, Moore makes, however, that just turn me inside out.

Here’s the biggest one:

“I will never forget seeing her pull the measuring tape out of her purse as she talked about the skull of her child.”

Moore goes on to claim this woman was fear-filled and suggested that she was interested primarily in a child whose cranium was of an acceptable condition.

I’ll have you know, that I too, measured the skulls of both my children. I would do it again, and I suggest to all families who are adopting to do the same.

It was not based on fear, and it was not based on finding a quality cranium. It was about walking into a forever relationship with my eyes wide open.

I have noted this type of judgment from others about pursuing medical information on a child or sending medical information to a specialist for review, or other methods of counting the costs before adopting a child.

And I do see it a just that, an adoptive family must count the costs before adopting a child from a hard place. You can’t do that unless you know as many facts as possible and with prayer and counsel.

Now, the woman that Moore is describing could really be full of fear and completely selfish in her desire to adopt a child. You can’t go into it that way, or you will struggle and likely have a very difficult road to travel. But the way Moore goes about explaining this situation, it appears to me that he condemns parents who dig deeper, parents who ask the hard questions. He suggests that their desire for full disclosure is fear-based or they are searching for that pedigree child.

For some reason, I feel that if I sat down with Mr. Moore and explained my take on this, he wouldn’t necessarily disagree. What I don’t like about the chapter that Moore writes and his blog entry is that he gives the impression that one should walk blindly into adoptions. Just jump on in. In fact, you’ll show your faith in God more if you do so.

I’m suggesting that, if this is what he is getting at, and with his lack of further explanation, he couldn’t be more wrong.

Fears are going to be a part of the adoption process. And I respect no one more who has fears, they look at the issues and the challenges and say to the Lord “not my will, but yours.” That is faith.

I measured my children’s heads and there WERE some concerns about the measurements. Concerns that some would cause some families to walk away. But that day, I looked at the developmental charts, counted the cost of “what ifs”, and then I prayed for the Lord to let me fall in the love with the child He had for me. That night, I slept one of my most restful and peaceful nights of all the 2 ½ months of nights I have spent in Russia.

I had fears. I handed those fears to My Lord and He faithful took them and turned them to deep contentment, courage, and love for a child I had never known before.

I encourage everyone to read those hard adoption books, look at those difficult facts, dig deeper into the challenges of your potential child’s hurts and trauma and then hand it all over to God. His grace is sufficient , He is generous with His wisdom, and His peace is everlasting.

The Coon Skin Cap

2010-10-13T16:25:00.005-05:00

I love the coon skin cap. My mom gave them to the boys this weekend. I like them because they are like the traditional Russian fur cap, but Americanized with a coon tail sewed on the back. It reminds me of my Russian boys :)

Moore's Generalities

2010-10-08T14:50:00.001-05:00

Below you'll find an blog written by Russell Moore. He wrote the book "Adopted for Life" a book on adoption theology for the entry level theologian on the subject. It is easy to read and certainly a good book. I would recommend it.

BUT I cannot recommend this book without first making a few caveats toward some of his statements, claims, and directions for the adoptive parent.

One warning I'd have to make about his book and the point he makes in his book has to do with his blog topic. I copied his blog post below, so please take a bit and read this and then I'll write more on what I think about part of Moore's book.

Is the Orphan My Neighbor?

2010-10-08T14:45:00.000-05:00

Is the Orphan My Neighbor?

2 Months In!

2010-09-29T16:00:00.003-05:00

Amazing how time can stop and time can fly. So far we are 2 months into waiting for Baby #3. I've been setting up myself to get excited and anxious about it in the next new year. The fall is always a busy time, so it is easier to get caught up in the busy-ness.

And busy-ness there is! I've been working with a friend, Kathy, to create a new Zeway brochure that emphasizes the community-to-community aspects of the Zeway Partnership. I've been scheduling 3 panels for the Together for Adoption Conference coming up this weekend, and my thoughts are full with ideas and to-do's for the local adoption conference our church helps to host.

But the thought of Pancake (the name Creed gave baby #3), always makes me slow down a bit and think how blessed we are. It gives me a bit of brain candy as I creatively think through ideas of a little girls room design. It gives me another trip to Ethiopia to look forward to.

Our Funny Bunnies

2010-09-15T12:38:00.002-05:00

Last night, Daddy read a story to the boys. It is from a children's Bible and it is a parable for the disciples to understand the kingdom of God. Jesus explains to the disciples that it will be like when they pull their nets in and then they must separate the good fish from the inedible fish. The good fish represent those who have followed God and the inedible ones are the ones that are tossed back into the sea.

At the end of the story, Matt asked the boys, "What kind of fish do you want to be?"

West quickly answered, "I want to be a good fish that follows God!"

Daddy turned to Creed, and repeated the question. "What do you want to be?"

In which Creed promptly replied, "I want to be a DRAGON!"

After seeing the surprised look on Daddy's face, Creed then clarified himself and said "A Dragon for God!"

And somehow, I believe, that is exactly how Creed will live his life :)

Changing Culture: One Family at a Time

2010-09-04T13:13:00.001-05:00

My Dad is 70 years old. He grew up in a small town in Kansas in which he saw separate drinking fountains and designated bathrooms for white people and black people . My dad saw signs that said “Colored Enter in the Back”. My dad heard dozens of politically correct and downright hate-filled terms to define a people group in his lifetime. My mom had similar experiences. The generation of my parents closely watched the black and white televisions report the story of historically monumental leaps in the civil rights movement. I’m guessing the opinions did not vary much of that generation who watched this happen.

But now 70 years later, my dad and my mom will be grandparents to an African child. We will soon adopt a child from Ethiopia. They are receiving this child with open arms. Not without concern (as they should as parents), but in love and courage and faith.

We are slowly progressing forward even more in bridging the gaps between races. I believe that transracial adoption, while not overwhelming in the percentage of families who adopt outside of their race, it is extremely impactful in the lives of a family and community. It requires the races to hit head on with the heart and mind. I believe God will use the transracial family to require amazing love in and for all people. It is the impact of the family in which God will change a culture.

Jesus never tried to change society or government systems. In fact, he actually had an approach that we would characterize as very passive towards political and societal systems. What Jesus did focus on is the change in the individual, in the family. This is where the catalyst begins. Change the individual first and then the culture will follow.

This is what transracial adoption does for culture. It starts with the individuals, the families. My white sons will have a black sister. We will raise these children knowing both the traditions of our families before us. We will raise them with Russian traditions and we will raise them with Ethiopian traditions and with those mixed up European traditions. My sons will know what African hair feels like, they will eat injera, and they will know African history. They will know the culture of African-Americans like I never did. My daughter will sip tea, celebrate Father Frost and know what a Russian “samovar” is.

There will be a personal knowledge of the races between my children that I never knew.

And those around us will see how our children interact. Their children will watch and be a part of the changing cultural as they become familiar with different traditions and ways. But it is not familiarity of traditions that cause someone to change their perspective. What will change perspective is when they befriend and love the people who celebrate those different traditions.

Transracial adoption is the beginnings of a changing community, a changing culture. It is really remarkable to get to be a catalyst to a changing world. I count it a great blessing.

If You Can Read It All, Please Do

2010-08-16T20:09:00.002-05:00

This is a long post. It is actually an interview reposting. A new friend of mine, Erin, posted it to her blog and now I'm stealing it and reposting it. It is about transracial adoption and racial issues and it is good stuff to chew on. Please grab a cup of coffee while the kids are playing nice and enjoy!

Thabiti Anyabwile: Our first interview is with Thabiti Anyabwile, pastor of First Baptist Church of Grand Cayman. *Pastor Thabiti is a native of Lexington, North Carolina (U.S.). He is the happy husband of Kristie and the adoring father of two daughters, Afiya and Eden, and son, Titus. He began serving as elder/senior pastor in August 2006. He served previously as an elder/assistant pastor at Capitol Hill Baptist Church (Washington, DC) and as an elder at Church on the Rock (Raleigh, NC). Thabiti holds B.S. and M.S. degrees in psychology from North Carolina State University. A former high school basketball coach and bookstore owner, he enjoys preaching, reading, sports, and watching sci-fi films. He also blogs at Pure Church.

1. Tell us a little about First Baptist Church of Grand Cayman.

This year FBC is celebrating its 30th anniversary. The church began in 1977 with 21 people from one of the ‘sister islands’ (Cayman Brac) meeting in a local living room. Today, there are people from about 25 nations who call FBC their spiritual home. It’s easily the most ethnically diverse church I’ve ever served. The people here love the Lord, His gospel, and His people. It’s a great joy to serve them.

2. As a pastor, what’s your primary burden for your people?

To see us all grow in holiness, to be shaped more and more in the image of Christ and therefore fit for heaven. We live on what most people consider an “island paradise.” Not surprisingly, then, the levels of worldly hedonism and materialism are quite high. But that’s really a tremendous gospel opportunity if the Lord grows us in Christ-likeness, disdain for this world, and commitment to living and sharing the gospel. If we can have more of heaven in us, even before we’re in heaven, the contrast between life in the kingdom and life in the world will be stark. I long to see us yearn for Christ and His kingdom.

3. You recently wrote an excellent and thought-provoking article entitled “Many Ethnicities, One Race.” Why did you write it?

It was a privilege to be asked to contribute to the 9Marks eJournal issue on ethnicity and the church. Generally, I don’t like talking or writing a great deal about ethnicity and race; there are too many ways in which those conversations are unhelpful and unedifying. Nevertheless, the Lord has given us sufficient guidance for these issues in His word and I’m convinced we’ve not mined the Scripture enough. And that’s really problematic given how glaring a problem the racial history of the U.S. has been—the church not excepted. So, at the invitation of the brothers at 9Marks I tried to offer what I hope is a useful, biblical framework for thinking through these issues.

4. Some people, for any number of reasons, are uncomfortable with the idea of transracial adoption. Other people, because of their views on race, are outright opposed to the idea of transracial adoption; they believe that adoption across ethnic lines should not be practiced. How might the Bible speak to these concerns?

Well, I think it depends on the nature of the discomfort or opposition. If the discomfort or opposition is grounded in some assumption that “races” are unequal or that “races” should remain segregated in family and social relationships, I think the Bible rebukes and corrects that kind of thinking in several ways. First, it’s clear that there is only one “race” of man, all descended from our original parents Adam and Eve (Gen. 2; Acts 17:26). There is no biblical basis for discomfort or opposition based on racial attitudes. Second, the alienation that sometimes stirs opposition to transracial adoption is really a spiritual problem. It’s a product of the Fall of man into sin. The cure for that problem is saving faith in Jesus Christ, wherein man is first reconciled to God and then reconciled to other men. So, for Christians in particular, those who are adopted into the family of God through faith in Christ, opposition to transracial adoption is tantamount to denying the work of Christ on the cross.

But there may also be discomfort or opposition not based on racial attitudes but some prudential concerns. Some may wonder if they are sufficiently equipped to parent across culture and ethnicity. Others may worry about the tension or conflict they may experience. There we have to remember that we are not called to love only in the convenient places and situations. We’re called to a radical love, one that mirrors the love of God for broken sinners. And the end of such love is unspeakable joy. For the joy set before Him, Jesus Christ endured the inconvenient and uncomfortable agony of the cross to redeem a people who were hostile toward Him. Adoption across ethnic lines may be one of the best pictures of that radical Christ-like love we have available to us today. So, “prudential” concerns that awaken discomfort aren’t finally sufficient reason to refuse or oppose such adoptions.

5. More and more couples are considering adopting transracially. How would you counsel a couple that desires to adopt a child from another race (i.e. ethnicity)? How would you seek to educate them theologically? How should the gospel help shape their view of transracial adoption?

The first thing I would want to do is simply commend and encourage them. I’d want to commend this act of selflessness and love. And I’d want to encourage them to remember that God’s grace is sufficient for their every need. That’s true of parenting in general, and it’s true of the specific case of transracial adoption and parenting. So, first, be encouraged.

Second, I’d want to encourage them to jettison the idea of “race” as it has historically been defined. Drop it like the bad habit it is. Learn to read the Scripture for its accent on our common humanity. Hayes’ Biblical Theology of Race is very valuable in this regard. Think of the children, indeed all people, as essentially “same” rather than “other.”

But third, having acknowledged our common humanity, think and teach your children to think in terms of “the nations.” In other words, there’s a tremendous opportunity in multi-ethnic families to cultivate a deeper concern for missions and getting the gospel to all nations. Try to prevent conversations and cross-cultural education from terminating on man or your family; try to think of those conversations as opportunities for thinking great thoughts about God who wants to be known among all people. The Lord has purposed that His glory will be shown in the bowing of the nations to His name. Our reflection on ethnicity and culture is incomplete if it doesn’t have that goal in mind.

6. Many who will read this interview have already adopted transracially. They are often concerned that their transracially adopted children will struggle with a sense of identity since they do not have same-race parents or do not live in an ethnically diverse area. Would you address their concern?

Again, I’d want to remind them that the Lord’s grace is sufficient for their parenting and this concern. Lean into that grace; commit this issue to the Lord in prayer. He’ll direct your steps and give you wisdom in this area.

Second, it’s important to think of parenting as essentially an exercise in identity formation (spiritually first, and ethnically in light of those spiritual realities). So, give considerable time to helping your child think of her or himself as one made in the image of God. The dignity of their lives is derived primarily from this aspect of their identity. Whatever struggles they encounter in terms of social and ethnic identity, they should resolve them in light of this fundamental truth. Also, parents want to help their children ground their identity in Christ if the child is/becomes a Christian. They are being renewed in the knowledge of God, righteousness and holiness through their union with Christ. This is the most profound aspect of who they are and understanding this is critical for putting identity conflicts in their proper perspective. Having laid that theological basis then it’s time to think critically about ethnic culture, experiences, and ideas.

The mistake many will make—partly out of an overdeveloped sense of guilt, and partly out of a desire to help their children—is to rush to ethnic and cultural considerations. Based on my own experience running rites of passage programs aimed at fostering cultural identity and values, most children are really ill-equipped for this kind of exploration because they haven’t settled larger, more fundamental questions about existence, faith, and purpose. Parents want to lay that foundation first. Children will be healthier in the long run even if the struggle feels acute at some points. But for help with ethnic identity issues, don’t be afraid to enlist the help of others. Build cross-cultural friendships. Include cross-cultural experiences in the family’s entertainment options (books, movies, concerts, etc.). This may take some investment, but it’s not only good for the child but the parents as well.

Overheard

2010-08-16T09:39:00.003-05:00

This past week we took a much needed and enjoyable trip to Colorado to camp in the mountains. Great time for the hubby and I to catch up. Lots to talk about.

The boys had some things to talk about as well. Conveniently, there was a playground by our campsite where the boys met up with other camping kids. We could over hear one conversation that West had with a little girl.

Little girl: Is it just you and your brother in your family?
West: No. We have a sister too.
Little girl: Where is she?
West: In Africa.
Little girl: Oh.

End of conversation. How do kids do that? I'd never be able to end a conversation with that line.

Here's another bit that I heard from Creed:

Daddy: Alright, boys, let's go take a nature hike.
Creed: What? A naked hike? YEEEAAAAAHHHH!!! Naked Hike! Naked Hike!!! (Arms are now flapping, Creed is running up and down to nearby campsites) Naked Hike!! Naked Hike!!!

Creed also had his first catch fishing at 9000 feet with mountains surrounding. He was excited because it was "flippy" on his pole as he toted it around showing it to other fishermen. West baited, cast and reeled in his fish all by himself. Daddy tried to keep him from getting too excited because he thought it was grass and gunk caught on his line. But then the fighting trout jumped up out of the water caught on West's line. West vindicated :)

Ok, I'll Bring It Up

2010-08-03T21:35:00.003-05:00

People have been extremely p.c. about not bringing up this topic to me when I tell them we are adopting from Ethiopia. They have to be thinking it though.

So I'll bring it up first.

We are adopting a child from Ethiopia, therefore, we will have some other colors in our family skin palette. We will be called a "transracial" family. Perhaps an unusual term, but that is the latest p.c. way to say it. We will forever stick out in a crowd . . . no more blending in with our two Caucasion Russian boys.

Our lives will be different, in mostly good ways, forever. There will be comments and people will try to "figure us out" when they see us out and about. Probably, the stories that they come up with in their heads won't always be the most flattering. That's the world we live in.

We have thought through this for years. I first started preparing for this change in family dynamic by researching. Reading, interviewing, lectures etc. Now I'm generally a researcher. I like to have my bases covered before making a decision, but this topic and the magnitude of this decision to be a transracial family caused me to OVER-research. When I begin to over-research something, it is quite obnoxious and leads to a bit of anxiety.

And it made me realize that ultimately, I was depending upon the latest psychological reports, stats, and opinions of a fallen world to make this decision. This is all good to know about, but it is the will of Christ that I rely upon and trust to show me the direction of our family.

And it appears that He is pointing to Ethiopia!

I have a lot more to blog about this topic. As you can imagine, I kind of need to formulate it all in my head before a public viewing, but I'll be interested in your thoughts as we dive into this new adventure!

Ready! Set! . . .

2010-07-19T16:47:00.003-05:00

Ready!
I'm ready. We are ready. We've read parenting books, Ethiopian books, adoption books. We've read blogs, articles, gone through study guides. We've watched informational webcasts, listened to lectures and podcasts. We talked with other Ethiopian adoptive parents. We've talked to experts in the adoption field. We've researched particular concerns with Ethiopian adoptions. We are over-ready.

Set!
We are set. Paperwork is done. This is my sweet spot. My work triangle is my laptop, the Secretary of State and the FedEx drop-off. I find my groove doing paperwork. Julia Child worked in cake flour, Michael Jordan worked in the air, Galileo worked amongst the stars, I work in bureaucratic paper messes. Our paperwork is complete, we have space in our house, our hearts and our schedules. Yeah, we are set.

WAIT!
This is where is all loses its gusto. During the paperwork process, we are beaming. We are asked what our age and gender preferences are. We are told the itinerary of trips. Friends and family are thrilled, elated to hear about the process. Most assume that baby will be home next Saturday (and with the orphan numbers such as they are, who would blame them?)

But no .. . . Here is what happens next:

We wait for a referral -- a match of a child to our family. This will take an average of 9 months through Gladney. Frankly, based on the increased numbers of families going through Gladney this year, I would not be surprised if this average increased.

Next, we wait for a court date. That takes 2-3 months after acceptance of referral

Then we travel (if court passes), 4-6 weeks after that. We meet Baby #3 and then go home.

Finally, we wait for the U.S. Embassy to process the paperwork and visa. We'll pick up Baby #3 2-6 weeks after our 2nd trip.

So a grand total of 12-14 months. ooh. Everyone remember that number, because I don't want to have to write it down again. That is a long time to be ready, set, and then to wait.

A Picture Says It All!

2010-07-13T11:58:00.002-05:00

Off You Go!

2010-07-09T21:50:00.003-05:00

We received our 171-H this week! Yahoo! This was the final bit of paperwork we were waiting for. I was expecting it to take longer as it took a friend in our area about 5 weeks to get it. We waited 2 1/2 weeks! That was the time frame while waiting for the boys' 171H too.

So I hopped into the car with babes in tow and headed down to the Texas Secretary of State. I love this place. See, all of our documents must be notarized and then the Secretary of State "authenticates" the notarization and files this authentication with our country - Ethiopia. I don't know what all this means. Sometimes, you just say "okay" and you do it.

And I love doing this part of our paperwork! We had to do it with dozens and dozens and dozens and dozens of documents for Russia (I could say "dozen" 3 more times and it would still be an accurate number with the amount we sent to Russia :)

I love going to the Secretary of State because it is a connection I make with moving forward in the process AND it is a connection I make that international people are about to review our paperwork. There is movement and the international people are making it move!

After the Secretary of State, everything got checked, rechecked and checked again and I packed it in a Fed Ex pack and sent it off to Fort Worth to arrive on Monday.

And on Monday, our paperwork will be reviewed again by our caseworker, and if all is well --To DC it will go to get stamped by the U.S. Department of State and then finally, to the Ethiopian Embassy and THEN up and over the sea to Ethiopia.

whoo. Exhausting.

All of that is well and good, but what we care about is that when the paperwork gets its final approval from our caseworker (hopefully Monday), THEN we are officially WAITLISTED!

There is only one group of people whom I have ever met who get excited about being placed on official waitlists and they is adoptive families.

The words WAITLISTED are like the little pink positive sign one would get on a pregnancy test.

So I will be taking that "Expectant Mom" parking spot at the grocery story proudly for the next year! :)

Zeway Ethiopia

2010-07-07T15:34:00.001-05:00

If you want to read more about our Partnership with the church and Food for the Hungry in Zeway, you'll get some great updates at this blog site.

www.zewayupdate.blogspot.com

daily updates from the trip team! Loss of words to describe their first day.

That Mailbox

2010-07-03T13:02:00.003-05:00

Like a hungry cat that sits, tail twitching, at the hole in the ground waiting for the mouse to come out, so do I wait in my home for the mailman to come. When the afternoon hour comes close, I get anxious, ready to fly out the door with key in hand, and pounce on that mailman. Quickly, I will flip through the letters, looking for that official looking USCIS envelope and the warning stamped on it stating there is a $300 fine for tampering with official business.

And every time these days, I am disappointed and slink back to my home, to wait for that afternoon hour to come the next day so I can pounce again.

171-H where are you?

Our Paperwork Left At Copeland Appliance Store

2010-06-25T22:02:00.002-05:00

So, we decided to mail all of our completed dossier documents to our agency today. We are still missing the immigration paperwork, but at least everything else will be waiting at Gladney for a quick send off to the U.S. Department of State when we receive this final document.

Before we left town, and on our way to Oklahoma to see the grandparents, the boys and I were going to drop off our FedEx package full of documents we had put 3 months of work into -- medicals, home study, reference letters, birth certificates, marriage license and on and on.

But we were off too early, and the FedEx store was closed. I kept driving on to Oklahoma assuming we'd see a drop off spot on our way.

Nope. Never found one. We actually drove our package further away from its destination of Fort Worth.

Finally, in my small hometown in OK, we found one. I drove up to a aged, brick building. Tied on to the barred window frame was a plastic sign declaring that I was at the Fed Ex drop-off. This sign was right under the Copeland Appliance Store neon lighted sign.

I pulled up, stepped in with my precious package, and looked around to see that this was, indeed, an appliance store. The man at a counter, non-nonchalantly, held out his palm and asked if I was just dropping off. And I was, so I handed him my package, and I left.

All of our adoption paperwork, the documents that begin the 3rd biggest adventure of our lives, everything that gives our existence on this earth value, interest, and credence written on paper dropped off at the Copeland Appliance Store in Small Town, Oklahoma.

Thank you, FedEx, for your diligent package tracking. I will be checking it promptly and frequently.

Fingerprints Done

2010-06-16T23:07:00.003-05:00

Finished our fingerprints today. Super easy. Last step is to wait on the final USCIS approval. Last time, we had this document within 2 weeks, so maybe we will be able to send off our dossier by July!

All This About Finishing by July and Waiting Well

2010-06-10T15:23:00.004-05:00

I've reflected over my posts and realized that I have written a lot about when paperwork is completed and when our dossier will be sent to Ethiopia. I've written about being irritated that our home study was taking a while and that our fingerprint appointment was not within my time frame.

I've said little about Waiting Well, which is the title of the blog and what I'm striving to do throughout this next adoption.

So, I need to stick with the theme a bit and I'll start with explaining all this talk about time frames and expectations.

I have learned through West's and Creed's adoption that my timeframes don't matter, and yet I don't know that there is reason not to have deadlines and timeframes. It is what I do when those expectations are not met.

See, my words and expectations fall into the category of "man's words" that don't matter. My timeframes are based on what other people say or what others experience. They mean nothing and I know that. There may be some disappointment, but if there is anger or that blue funk, or a lashing out at God, then I am not waiting well. My words really mean nothing unless they speak the truth of God and I haven't seen any dates or times that I have mentioned with this adoption etched in the sky from the Almighty.

So I can pray, and be hopeful and ask for a referral and gotcha day before next season's court closures, but if that doesn't happen, then that expectation was not from God, and therefore not the best for our family or others influenced for God by this adoption.

I wait well by asking God for the time frame that is in my mind. He wants us to tell us our hopes and dreams. I can even plead for these things, but I will be waiting well if I submit to his perfect timing and will without kicking, screaming or again that blue funk I mentioned earlier.

Fingerprints - Hopeful!

2010-06-10T15:16:00.002-05:00

To recap, we received our fingerprint appointment which Matt could not make and it wasn't great for me. We were suppose to mail in a request to change, so they could mail us another random date. I decided to walk the request into the fingerprint center myself to gain a few days time and also see if I could avoid them assigning us a new day that wouldn't work again.

Surprisingly they told me that we could come on any Wednesday. huh? from a specific time and date to any Wednesday. Fine by me! We'll be there next Wednesday, bright and early. I've learned, however, that with gov't agencies, this "any time Wednesday" bit could change an hour before we arrive. So I'll believe it when my prints are on the screen.

Timeframe to completing our dossier is back to first of July! woohoo!

Next Step! Sort of.

2010-06-07T19:59:00.003-05:00

So we received our fingerprint appointment. Yeah!!! But the appointment isn't until June 25th. I know, not so far away, but not what I expected. Things have changed from the last time we completed our immigration paperwork. Last time, the USCIS gave us 3 week timeframe to complete our fingerprints. Of course, I would have liked this date to have been, uh, yesterday :)

Oh, and the other not so good news is that Matt can't make that day, most likely. Big client meeting . . . He's going to ask . . . we'll see. . . I hope. I hate taking longer when the ball is in our court.

Swim Lessons

2010-06-01T17:25:00.002-05:00

The boys love the water. My summer is destined to be lived out mostly in a swimsuit this year, so while on our mini-vacation to the beach this past weekend, I gave myself some swim lessons only offered to those over 35.

Lesson #1 If you dare buy a two piece swimsuit (and not the tankini kind), buy a bottom piece that goes over the tummy or under the tummy. NOT directly on the tummy -- nobody needs roll-over.

Lesson #2 Find that perfect position in which nothing is falling out, rolling over, or un-necessarily exposed. Don't move. Do not feel pressure to walk along the waves, dig a hole in the sand, or even lean forward to pick up your own drink. If you have children still learning to swim, make accommodations with someone else to snag their heads from under the water if required.

Lesson #3 If you cannot tone it, tan it.

Lesson #4 Creating distractions for people to see before noticing your over-35 body is a good thing. I used an obnoxiously big, floppy red hat. (I know floppy red hats are almost like posting my age over my head, but I am not trying to hide my age while in my swimsuit)

Lesson #5 Buy a smokin' hot cover-up.

Why Ethiopia?

2010-05-31T20:00:00.002-05:00

Good question and most common question. I have an answer for Ethiopia that may be more satisfying than the reason we went to Russia.

The reason we went to Russia was simply because we felt God leading us there. Logically speaking, we didn't mind the process, the wait time was good, age range was good, all seemed smooth and straightforward.

All of the logical reasons we had for Russia were shot to heck within the first year of waiting and so God leading us there was all we had left. And now when I look back at our time during the process and our time in Russia, I have to say that Russia is like family to me. Sometimes, you can't stand your family, but you spend holidays with them every year. You love them because of all the crap you have gone through with them. As I have said in a previous post, I've never been sadder, happier, and angrier than when I was in Russia.

Ethiopia is different. We've been to Ethiopia, we've met the people there, we have friends in the States that are Ethiopian, we have dear brothers and sisters in Christ in Ethiopia whom we will be forever connected to because of the work we are co-laboring in -serving orphans and the church in Ethiopia. (I should hardly say we co-labor as the sacrifice they are making is far greater than I can imagine) When we traveled to Ethiopia, my heart beat in sync with the people there. They are beloved friends.

So maybe the adoption process to Ethiopia will go horribly awry for us like it did when we went to Russia. I may get angry, sad and extremely happy with this process just as with Russia. But Ethiopia is already more than just an adoption process to us. We are deeply connected to the people there.

The Lord's handiwork in our decision to adopt from Ethiopia is a several years long process and intricate in detail. It is by no quick decision or lacking in calculation of joy and pain it will bring. Seems like just where we need to be.

Can't wait to start the clock to wait. I'm a little giddy thinking about it.

That's What They Said

2010-05-26T13:47:00.003-05:00

The two funny little birds that live in my home:
We were all at a nicer than usual restaurant and I was trying to remain calm while I talked with our friends and Creed kept standing in his chair and peering over my shoulder trying to get eye contact with me (hearkens to the days when I insisted upon eye contact with them as they were transitioning home)

The final straw of Creed standing up in his chair and I lean into his ear and hiss "stand up again and I'm going to pinch the fire out of your bottom!"

Creed very matter-of-factly responds with "Excuse me, Mom. I don't have any fire in my bottom"

Those literal three year olds!

Then in a conversation about our adoption, Creed says in the car:

"Mommy, what my sister's name?"

"I don't know that yet, Hon"

"Oh, " says Creed. "Then I call her pancake"

Then West jumps in.

" Mom will she have skin like this (pointing at his arm)?" (first time he has mentioned noticing skin colors)

I say, "No. She'll have skin like our friend Zane."

West replies, "Oh yeah. So when she grows up will her skin be like this?" (again pointing at arm)

"No. Her skin will always be brown. just like yours is the color it is (white doesn't seem like a good description and since West didn't use it either I opted to go with his reference to his arm)

Lesson #1 of skin colors: You don't grow out of them.

Wait Times

2010-05-25T20:12:00.002-05:00

Our paperwork is so close to completion - hopefully it will be in the next month. The only thing we have left is our immigration paperwork which is just a matter of waiting for them to pre-approve citizenship.

After we complete all the paperwork, we'll send all of the documents to be authenticated through the Texas Secretary of State and to the Ethiopian Embassy. This will all be translated and then we'll be officially waiting.

We are requesting a girl 14 months or younger. With that age range, the average wait time until referral (we receive a photo and info) is about 5 months. From there we will wait for a court date, which will take from 2-4 months. We will take our 1st trip at this time for court.

After court passes (and sometimes it takes more than one try due to power outages, infrastructure problems etc -we won't travel but once for court however), we will wait 3-6 weeks for immigration and visa paperwork to go through and then we will get our final travel dates to go get her.

So what do all those numbers add up to?? an average of 8 -11 months until baby #3 is home.

Matt did just say to me the other night -- maybe we should ask for a child under 12 months. . . uuuggh.

That would mean more like a 12-15 month wait.

Matt and I need to find some time to chat soon!

Home Study Complete!

2010-05-21T10:16:00.002-05:00

The day I emailed our agency to ask how the home study was coming along was the day that it was complete! We reviewed it on Wednesday night and hard copies were sent out on Thursday. So yeah! Another major hurdle overcome!

Our agency will send the home study to immigration so that they can review it and pre-approve us for our child's citizenship. We'll get asked for fingerprints again through immigration and then it shouldn't be much longer. Maybe 4 weeks.

We also received our FBI clearances. They were another major hurdle!

So we are just waiting on one more document- our immigration paperwork and we'll officially be waiting!

My Anxious Button

2010-05-18T10:54:00.002-05:00

My anxious button was turn on last night because I started browsing through all Gladney family websites and saw that many of their home studies took longer than 30 days. In fact, 60 days was not unusually. Not happy about this. .. . .

Our goal has been that we get on the waitlist by July 1. This isn't unrealistic at all--it works when I factor in the longest wait times possible for the paperchase. The reason why July 1 works is because when we calculate all the average wait times for referral, court and bringing baby home, this clears us of getting caught up during the rainy season in Ethiopia which delays all court dates by about 2 months.

So, I know that the all these calculations are ridiculous. Shoot, somehow my calculations of having my two Russian sons home by February 05, were off by 3 years, but that doesn't stop me from having the goal.

Be praying for things to move along and be praying that my heart and will goes in step to God's.

Hoooomme Stuuuddy! Where are youuuu????

2010-05-14T19:53:00.002-05:00

Oh my goodness! It has been awhile. But we are still in the same place that we were 10 days ago. Still waiting for our home study to be written up. Gladney is suppose to complete it in 30 days and that 30 days will be on Wednesday . . . .so we'll see!

After that the home study will be sent to US Immigration so that pre-approval on citizenship can be completed.

Please be in prayer for the Ethiopian government and the people there during election week. On May 23rd will be elections, and while they are a "democracy", let's just say that the free press won't be covering the vote tallies live. Pray that things remain safe amidst some likely protesting.

Creed's Body Sack and Being In Control

2010-05-05T22:38:00.007-05:00

Here are a couple pictures of Creed in his body sack. Makes for some really funny pictures. As I've said before, I really don't fully get all this sensory integration, but some of it is just fun. Putting a kid in a stretchy, slick sack so that he can flop, wiggle, run and wallow in it, well that is just fun. No need for a diagnosis to try this one!Creed is really doing well with his sensory processing. We talk about his body control often in different child-friendly ways. Today, I was ranting around 5:30 -the witching hour for most children- about how "you all are out of control! What is the deal?" - and I was mainly talking about West this time.

While West was sitting in time-out for his wildness, Creed came to me and said "My body is not out of control. My body is in control. Look Mom. I am focusing. I can play games. I am still. I am in control of my body"

Good job Creed! Not many 3 year olds can claim that!

West on His Knees

2010-05-03T22:09:00.003-05:00

West is exploring the intricacies of prayer. A few prayers and West's theology behind them came up today:

After the clouds rolled in ending a sunshiny day:
West: (stops everything, eyes closed, hands pressed together) "Please God make the sunshine come out again so that it can be warm and so I am not cold." (he was playing in a bucket of water)

"See, Mom. I prayed for God to make the sunshine come back"

Quickly, after saying this, Creed throws down his toy, closes his eyes and presses his hands together.

Prays Creed, "God please make a big storm and loud thunder come, BOOM!"

I look at West and say, "What will God do since you and Creed prayed the opposite things to happen?"

West replies, "He will give to the FIRST person who prays what he wants!"

West prayed again, more of a loaves and fishes kind of prayer.

Upon gazing on his last Skittle, he says, "Mom, I just prayed to God that He would make this one Skittle into 100"

I question, "Oh? What did God say to that?"

West answers, "He is still thinking about it"

So there you have 5 year-old prayer theology: Be the first to pray for something and be patient as God needs some time to mull over your request.

Building a Family And Orphan Care

2010-04-27T12:38:00.013-05:00

I'm on the adoption blog prowl lately. It's often what adoptive families do to bide their time while waiting. We dig around for tidbits of info on wait times for our country program, glimpses of referrals, and encouraging stories. I did this while waiting for my Russian sons too -- even more so due to the climate of Russian adoption. information was precious during most of those 4 years of waiting for them.

I have noticed a new adoption blog theme, however, as I dig around. One that I didn't see as much 5 years ago when we first started our process with West. The Bible verses and quotes have changed on adoption blogs. The motivation to adopt seems somewhat different than it use to be.

5 years ago many blogs had Bible verses like this one:

I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of Him. 1 Samuel 1:27

Now there are many more verses copied on blog pages that read:
Pure and faultless religion is this: to look after widows and orphans in their distress and keep oneself from being polluted from the world. James 1:27

The Lord defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing. Deuteronomy 10:18

Seems that some of the motivation to adopt has changed. I see this also in the amount of attendees at the adoption conference that several churches in our community hosted this past February. We went from a conference of 100 to 350 in one year.

It is a different crowd out there adopting.

I am excited about this. I am thrilled for the hundreds of more children who may find homes now. But I'm also a bit apprehensive about what this means as so many more people adopt with the motivation to care for orphans.

The motivation to care for orphans has to work equally, or even secondary, to the desire to build a family. God may break a heart for the plight of orphans, but when that transfers to the desire to adoption, a person or couple has to put building a family as their very first longing.

Russell D. Moore, author of Adopted for Life, made an inspiring statement in his book that can apply to this. The quote is, "What if, once again, Christians were known for taking in orphans and making them beloved sons and daughters?"

The word that stands out to me in this statement is that orphans are made into BELOVED sons and daughters. Legally, by the act of the State or a foreign judge, a child can become a son or daughter. Most likely, that child will then be fed, clothed, cared for, educated, even offered affection and kindness. But it is through the redeeming love of Christ through a parent that a child becomes beloved. It is this word that makes caring for orphans transform into the building of a family. A beloved child is a child transformed from being "rescued" to the redeeming power of becoming an HEIR with all the rights, privileges, blessings, and expectations of a family member.

I'm delighting in this wave of the Spirit to lead so many to adoption. But orphan care should always be exceeded by the building of a family when a couple decides to adopt.

It Just Got Real

2010-04-19T22:17:00.003-05:00

We had our home study on Tuesday and it just got real.

I'm excited. The flood of memories come when I think of having our last home study done. Different because then I was anxious, scared, intimidated. Now I'm ready. Ready to be in the midst of waiting, excited for the grace of God to wash over me like He does when I'm waiting for my children, ready for my heart to beat faster with every 817 area code number. Hoping that today will be the day. Wondering what God has in store or should I say WHO God has in store for us. Who is the next Kouri? And how will they expand the talents, the gifts, the beauty, and the issues :) of the Kouri clan?

At this point in the process, we are at the mercy of everyone else's timeline. The two main items we are waiting for are 1.) the home study to be written -- within the next 30 days and then 2.) U.S. Immigration will take the home study and complete the pre-approval process of bringing home a U.S. Citizen - our U.S. Citizen :)

So that could be 1-3 more months of waiting before we can officially begin to wait for a referral and then we wait for a court date and then we wait for travel dates. (all within this, we wait while we wait --for instance wait for a phone call, wait for an airplane to arrive, wait for the translator to arrive so that we can go-etc, etc)

But waiting can be a really great thing when waiting is about hoping for a little person to come to be a daughter! (content sigh :)

Brotherly Love

2010-04-19T19:59:00.001-05:00

Sometimes a title tells the whole story.

Luckily, My Sons Had Lunch Today

2010-04-17T23:11:00.004-05:00

I am inspired tonight after thinking a bit more about the speaker we heard at Bridges of Grace's adoption community group. The topic was about how to talk with your children about adoption and also how to respond to people's questions and comments about adoption.

One comment we discussed and probably one of the most common is "Your child is so lucky (or blessed) to be adopted by you." This statement isn't horribly offensive. In fact, the person is usually sending you well-wishes all around about your family coming to be by adoption. But as adoptive parents, and especially ones who have adopted and will be adopting children from impoverished countries, there is something about this comment that just doesn't seem right.

I look at it this way: there are certain things that should be guaranteed in this world. I know, this is a sinful world, and there are no guarantees for anything. But for children, I think there are exceptions. Having a family (whatever the color or make-up of one looks like) should be one of those guarantees.

So the idea that my son is "lucky" or "blessed" to be a part of our family is like saying my son is "lucky" to get to have 3 meals a day. My son is "lucky" to get clothes. My son is "lucky" to have shelter.

As a child these basic necessities are not due to luck or blessing. These are deserved and rightfully theirs.

(Now as a side note, the way I see it, guarantees in life and rights shouldn't go beyond childhood. In fact, I have removed the word "deserve" out of my vocabulary. You'll never hear me say that you "deserve a vacation" or a break, or a Dr. Pepper and queso. We don't deserve anything good that we get. Children are the exception to this.)

Pink Is Not My Color, But Maybe It Will Be Hers

2010-04-13T15:36:00.003-05:00

Perhaps if you are a long time following, you have noticed that I changed up the scenery a bit on the blog from my usually greens and blues to pinks. A new color for me, but I'm ready to tackle it.

This might be a stretch for me. For instance, just the fact that in my previous paragraph I said "I'm ready to TACKLE pink." You don't tackle pink. Not a color that one needs that type of aggression, but I'm a well-defined boys' mom. Never really been a frufru lacy, pink type of gal.

And so, deciding that we will request a GIRL this time, is making me re-think color choices, playtime choices, wording choices etc.

Stretching is good. I'm looking forward to getting back in touch with my girly side. There are lots of remnants of it -- I did pick out a very cute blog background :), I know when something just doesn't "look" right, and bathroom humor is still not funny. I've just been crashing cars, roaring like a dinosaur, and pretending to eat bugs for several years now. I just hope I don't scare a sweet, little girl when I grab her by the legs in the pool and yell "Shark!"

My boys just laugh and snap their jaws right back at me.

West Knows About "Her"

2010-04-06T10:50:00.002-05:00

Matt and I have had many conversations about our adoption process in front of the kids. Nothing obvious, I would guess, but I have a very intuitive, listening child.

And I have had the conversation with West often that when God tells us where Baby #3 is, just like with him, we'll work hard to get her home.

So when we were driving to school today, I was telling the boys how much I loved them and how they were both my favorite. And West responds that Daddy and me were his favorites too.

Then he says "And I love her too"

"Who?' I ask.

"My baby sister"

"Why do you love her already?" I ask.

West replies, "Because she is part of our family even if she is not here. And because God told me so. He told me she was coming"

"Really," I say.

"Yes, but later. And she may be a boy, but probably a girl. I don't care"

So sweet! I quickly paused at a stoplight and wrote that one down. Didn't want to miss it!

Part of our home study is that they will interview the kids (3 and up). It will be interesting to hear what else they have to say.

Two Very Dirty Little Birdies

2010-03-27T18:21:00.006-05:00

The boys have been begging to go swimming since January. With the warm weather, I'm saying no hourly to getting out the blow-up pool. I did give in to Creed's request to get out two 5 gallon buckets so that he could take a "bird bath". He fluttered around tweeting as I filled up the buckets. Both boys were stripped to their underwear by the time the second bucket was full!
Getting clean did not become the objective for long. Quite the opposite. Little boys have mud sensors and where there is no mud, mud can be made. Not just muddy, but flaunting the work of artists!

Tax Credit Extended

2010-03-25T12:23:00.002-05:00

woohoo! One good thing coming out of the Obama's office is the extension of the adoption tax credit (yeah, yeah, I only like what benefits me).

Wasn't too nervous about it expiring in 2010, considering all the press that adoption has been getting, but I had to wonder. Not only did it get extended but it also increased (I'm sorry but i don't know how considering the national budget -- again it is benefiting me, right?)

So the new tax credit is now 13,170 through 2011. Unless we get to replay adoptions number 1 and 2 again, #3 should slide in by the end of 2011 easily.

Good news.

Major Mark in Paperwork Production

2010-03-23T14:53:00.002-05:00

Working towards the goal. I just sent in all the Gladney paperwork -- about 22 documents. Still waiting for medicals and employment verification letters, but that should be done by early next week. We also sent our USCIS information so that is a big step too.

Next is to get a home study visit appointment. I'm guessing there will be a decent amount of work around that -- just getting the right approvals etc -- I think we have to have a fire code check, maybe some lengthy biographies to write . . I don't know. Gladney hasn't sent any homestudy info yet.

After the homestudy, we'll set our sites on the Ethiopian paperwork. Nothing too terrible, in fact compared to Russia, I'm breathing easier. For instance the medicals for Ethiopia are good for 2 years. They were good for 3 months for Russia. I did 10-11 medicals and blood work for Russia, and today, I walked away from the doctor's office thinking that medicals were done in just one visit!

Our Sensory Diet

2010-03-16T15:00:00.002-05:00

Sensory Processing problems are common among children who have lived in orphanages (there are lots of other causes too so orphanage kids are not the only ones with problems). If I were a neurologist, I could explain this better, but essentially it is caused by a lack of stimulation and sensory input as a baby. Within an orphanage setting, there are way too many children for a caretaker to provide the necessary care, so children are left in cribs or playpens or high chairs and they get little exposure to sights, sounds and feelings, body movement/playtime etc.

So Creed has some of these problems. It causes him to have difficulty knowing his body in space and time (if you know Creed, you know this problem!) And a general difficulty regulating his body energy and flow. . . .His body rhythms, as I like to say, are on the upbeat of everyone else's.

These senses can be properly integrated with some therapy and time and learning some coping skills . (He'll still probably be a really great football player). And some of the home therapy is through a sensory diet.

Creed's sensory diet is mostly made up of lots of use of his muscles, upper body and some good body compressions . Also lots of sensory experiences. I can't explain it. It sort of makes sense in my head, but like I said, this neurology stuff kind of exceeds my training and experiences.

We had a good diet yesterday, though, and here is what it looked like:

Started the day with a loaded backpack on his back and a rolling suitcase that he pulled around the house for a long time. I gave him places to go like "Grandma lives in the red couch room." I'd give a full body hug and off he would go, toting around his luggage.

Then we played some Russian big band music (80's rock is suppose to be better for Sensory kids - I have no idea why) and Creed marched around the house, dancing and crashing into a huge pile of pillows.

Did some project work with scissors and markers. (helps with regulation)

Next we went outside and I stripped him to his undies (West joined in) and i poured beans and rice on him and he played in the beans and rice.

Short nap followed by a nice body massage. Then some swinging outside.

Finally we ended the day with me sitting in a wagon and he pushed me up a hill, taking turns with his brother who was helping to pull me up the hill (This probably would have been picture worthy)

I'm guessing most of you who have not read "Out of Sync Child" or if you have not had some training in Sensory Processing, this blog post sounds nuts. I'm re-reading it myself and wondering how anyone is suppose to know what I'm talking about. Perhaps if you ever want to chat I can explain it better.

What Is On My Checklist

2010-03-15T15:32:00.005-05:00

Part of the way I hope to "wait well" is to prepare for my child coming home with lots of reading. To start this journey, I'm reading "Black Baby, White Hands: A View from the Crib" by Jaiya John. I'm not finished with this book but I'm really enjoying it so far.

This book is taking me deeper into understanding the uniqueness of a transracial family. Often books and articles I have read have made a "checklist" of sorts for the transracial family to pursue as a measure of success. Some of these "to dos" on the list are:
1. Caring for Hair Properly and with Respect to the Culture
2. Have Role Models and Friends Who Are Similarly in Features
3. Maintain Their Cultural Heritages

These things are important- no doubt nor argument here. But in this book I'm reading, there is a lot more motive searching and emotion digging than those things on the list.

This book makes me search deeply about the degrees of unconditional love I offer my children currently and my future Ethiopian child. I know that "degrees of unconditional love" is an oxymoron. Unconditional love should have no degrees, but on this earth, it does.

The book describes well the different limits family members had of accepting a black child in their white world. The author explains that some family members could "see him" as a child while others held back their affections and could see only his race.

This book does an even better job of unveiling the subtleties of the reservation of acceptance. Not one of his family members lived as a racist. Quite the contrary, most of the family members lived with unusual open-mindedness that I, as a person raised on the border of the South (Oklahoma), have found surprising with each character description. There was not one example of outward contempt or withdrawal of relationship from this black child.

What there was from some of these family members was a reservation, a hesitation, a pause. The author describes it as something a child can distinguish easily -- the lack of full acceptance and love from an adult.

Now this is much different than a check-list of things a transracial family needs to do. This is something that does not just happen like doing some fantastic braiding of hair or having a Ethiopian New Year's Party. This requires a sincere search of heart by me and Matt. Is their any hesitation of acceptance and love toward our two children now? Have I dug in the depths to make sure I find any that might be lingering against my Ethiopian child?

Sometimes I think it is a good thing to wait a while for our children. There is a lot of preparation that has to take place in our own hearts. I know that God said that our hearts are our biggest deceiver and the Lord is also the one who will shine light on it. I pray He do just that for my own heart, so I can offer the most unconditional love available in this world to my children, my husband, and everyone I come into contact.

Telling Mom and Dad

2010-03-13T12:14:00.005-06:00

My parents have been slowly immersed into the adoption world. With first introductions being after watching us with infertility struggles, they were cautious but happy we were going to make a family through adoption.

And since the beginning we had let them know that our hearts were open to being a transracial family. But that is perceived at times as just conversation and not real-life action.

While we battled Russia in bringing our two sons home, there were A LOT more conversations about other country options. Ethiopia and domestic biracial adoption were some of them.

My parents would be considered older based on my age and so they have some different experiences that many grandparents do not have. They both grew up in small towns in Kansas. My dad grew up close to the railroad and worked there in his youth. My mom lived in a upper middle class family and seemed to be rather privileged for that time period (the 40's)

They do not have the best background or exposure one would hope when bringing up the possibility of a multi-flavored family.

But the Lord has reign over my family and my parents. So while stereotypes and experiences and upbringing is something my parents have to overcome in their desire for an Ethiopian grandchild, this does not determine my parents' thinking. God can transform a mind and heart and does so regularly.

The first thing my mom did was start reading. She read books and books about African missionaries. Her love and open-mindedness spawned from this.

My dad, well, reading is not his cup of tea, (unless it is political). So my dad's change of heart has to be just good ole' Holy Spirit prompting.

We've been talking about transracial adoption for years. So when I told them last week that we had applied to Ethiopia, it was not earth-shattering news. They asked the typical questions: How long? How old? What gender? How long in country? etc.

And then there was a pause on the line, a deep breath from my mom and I thought "here it comes" She started:

"Well, I guess, I'm just having a hard time . . . I just can't envision you with .. . .a girl. How is that going to work?"

"What?" I said. "Having a girl is what you are having trouble with? Not having an Ethiopian?"

Mom replied, "No. We thought it more weird when you were working through the domestic white infant adoption. This is something you were always going to do" (The domestic infant story I'll save when I'm waiting for my i600 paperwork and the blogging is slow :)

"Oh." I said. "that is true. that was weird for us too."

So that is how my mom and dad took it all. It is really God massaging their hearts and minds. It is really, really great.

WHAT??? 2 Trips??

2010-03-11T20:31:00.002-06:00

Even Russia waited until our home study was complete to start making changes to their adoption program!! But Ethiopia decided to make a big change on Tuesday.

Ethiopia has traditionally required one trip to adopt a child. After the court proceeding in Ethiopia, the adoptive family would be scheduled to travel to bring their child home. This trip would last a total of about 10 days.

Now, adoptive parents are required to be present for court and then they will schedule another trip to pick up their child. It makes sense that they would want us there for court. Not a big question there. I'm not sure why they couldn't let us bring the baby home on the same trip as court, but I'm sure there are legalities and paperwork stuff that prevents this.

So, now we'll take one trip for court lasting less than a week and then another trip 1-2 months later (that is what they are predicting but unsure since this is brand new).

Of course the cost is a problem, but the bigger problem for us is West and Creed. We'll have to leave them twice now. Or something . . . .not sure how we will work that out.

Paperwork!

2010-03-05T17:38:00.001-06:00

I just dug through the 55 pages of instructions our agency sent us to complete our paperwork. I'm a little giddy with it all!

It's Been A While

2010-03-03T15:34:00.003-06:00

It's been a while on the blog for me.

But I have something new to document on the Kouri Family Blog -- something that will surely be a historical time in the family history.

Time for Baby #3. Yes. Officially. We are back in the saddle again.

We walk into it now - 6 years after our first start at the adoption process more knowledgeable of only one thing -- We don't know how this will go and we don't know what God has in store for us! Almost more of an adventure now than when we did this the first time when we actually gave full credence to agency timelines, fee schedules, and that our requests would be granted. Ha! You all who know the stories (and they are on this blog) know how all that went last time!

So now we jump on board again. Excited and grateful that we are allowed to do this again.

The details as of now are as follows:

We JUST applied to Gladney's Ethiopia program.
Timeframe is about 16-18 months.

So, Baby #3 who may or may not be born, but most likely conceived - You have been knit, woven there, quite purposefully by the Lord, in your mother's womb. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. The Lord is watching you and He has written your days in a book even before there was one of them on this earth. Those days may be traumatic at first. Those days will be full of grief and loss. I'm sorry for this. Wretchedly sorry. But the days following that will be new chapters in the Kouri family and they will be full of Christ's love and the redemptive power that it holds. We'll ask the Lord to show us a couple pages of that book with your days written in it, to see if they include us, and when He shows us that we are your family, we'll be there soon to be your Mom and Dad.

So You Are Busy? What Else is New? Part II

2009-09-10T11:44:00.006-05:00

Life if busy. It just is. Answering the question "How are you?" with the reply "Busy" is about as telling and cliche as answering that question with "fine."

In fact, it was someone asking me that simple question "How are you?" that made me start to really comtemplate my busy life. It was a good friend's response to my usual answer of "Busy" that made me start thinking.

After the usual interchange "How are you?", "I'm really busy", my friend sarcastically said to me, "Of course you are. Who isn't?"

Simple enough response, but very telling. It made start thinking about how I hold busy-ness as almost a badge of honor. If I could list out 10 things that I had to do that day, and you could only list 8 things that you had to do that day, then I win!

Most commonly this competition happens with Matt and me. I want to impress him with how busy I was running around all day managing the house and kids, and he'll come back with how many meetings and phone calls he had. Both of us will walk away being unimpressed, because our busy-ness is different.

The other thought I went away with after my friend's sarcastic response to me was that may be life is just suppose to be busy. Maybe I'm not suppose to have loads of freetime. Maybe it is not that I am busy that is the problem, maybe it is how I HANDLE all of this busy-ness that is the problem.

So that is where my study began: How do I HANDLE all of this busy-ness?

As I study the Gospel looking for a Godly perspective on a busy life, I’m struck over and over the emphasis that God places on relationships. Honestly, placing relationships at such a high priority level does not help my anxiousness. When the to-do list is long, the task-master in me steps forward and plows through. Kids, husband, friends, neighbors, watch out. I plow through completing my tasks, but I leave a lot of rubbish for my loved ones to step around. How do I complete everything I need to do AND love on my friends and family?

God doesn’t give us impossible tasks but gives us ways on how to complete his will. It is His will for us to hold relationships at a high priority. The way I’m seeing that Jesus and his disciples did it, is that Jesus had margins in the mundane.

You may have heard the term “margins”. It is the idea that a person leaves space in their day for rest and relationships. Like the space left on a document, margins are available in life to make room for others and a person’s personal time with God.

God is opening my mind to the idea that this margin time can be found in the mundane things we do in life. Many tasks that we do that keep us busy, are so routine, that we can easily focus on others while doing it.

For instance, I imagine that as Jesus and his friends walked miles every day walking from town to town, their discussions were significant. I don’t believe that Jesus’s conversation and mental focus were on the stones in his way, his broken sandle strap, or how they needed to walk faster as night began to fall. I believe that He was fully focused on his company in the flesh or He was focused on his company in the Spirit.

Do I use my mundane activities to build stronger relationships? As I’m toting my sons around town on errands, do I avoid talking by turning on the radio? Am I so worried about being late or trying to get everything done that my mental focus is everywhere but inside the car with two other people? Am I so irritated by the slow driving of others that I spew ugliness in the car when my son continues to talk about how scary the grasshoppers were in Bug’s Life?

Or do I use that time to pour into my sons and teach them how being attentive is a perfect way to show patience and love?

Another time that we have margins in the mundane is at mealtime. Eating, something I look forward to always, is an extremely mundane activity. Jesus used the time of eating to build relationships. There are many examples of Jesus going over to people’s houses for dinner. A very relational activity.

Now for me, the thought of having people over for dinner often does not help with lessening my to do list. In fact, when I start putting together a meal for others, suddenly something simple, becomes very complex and stressful. Once again, family members get pushed aside as I prepare food, set the table, get those special glasses out, etc.

Again, God is showing me something about myself, and I believe it may be true for others too. I have spent too much time entertaining and less time offering hospitality. I believe we have taken the word “hospitality” in our vocabulary and replaced it with “entertaining”. I believe these words have very different applications.

I’ll start with entertaining. I use the word “entertain” when I’m trying to put on a show. I entertain when I want everything to be perfect. I entertain when I put perfection over my guests’ comforts. Very few people that I know of are comfortable with 3 different forks on the table (salad, main dish and dessert), and very few people I know care about a white wine glass used for red white. I would guess that while my table may look lovely in the white linen cloth, it just makes my guests nervous about dripping sauce on it.

I have been very guilty about entertaining over being hospitable. I have been known to search frantically for a delicious vinaigrette recipe, not because I think my guests would like it, but because I have a really cute bottle to put it in. There is a place for entertaining at times, but it is not to replace hospitality.

Hospitality is a very different activity. Hospitality is first and foremost concerned about the guest. Hospitality is not about the meal and presentation, but emphasizing the relationship above the meal. Hospitality would not mind a last minute guest. Entertaining would be appalled by a last minute guest.

Hospitality doesn’t mind if I place the goopy bottle of Ranch dressing right on the table, or if I serve a salad and forget the croutons. Hospitality is offering what food I have, and making up for what was forgotten, by the love and care I share with my guest at the table.

There is margin in the mundane when I am being hospitable. But entertaining leaves stress, and more busy-ness than true relationship developing. So rather than seeing a dinner invitation to neighbors and friends as a stressful, add to my busy-ness time, I should see it as a time to build a relationship rather than a time for excellent entertaining.

I believe there is something to this .. . margins in the mundane. I’m challenged daily to view the mundane activities in my life as opportunities to disciple a friend invited alongside me or coach a child, or pray to the Father. When I change my perspective on this, increasing my time focusing on relationships seems a little more doable.

You know, that I write all this with the intent to someday follow it. I’m not at all saying I follow Jesus’ example. One reason for writing this is to get it all on paper – harder to deny when it is public!

So, thoughts anyone?

So You Are Busy? What Else is New? Part I

2009-09-05T11:06:00.005-05:00

Like many of you, I'm busy. Especially as fall gets into full swing, my schedule gets full, my to-do list lengthens, my head is swirling with people I need to meet with, people I need to call, things I need to begin and end, etc. I'm busy. You are busy. Aren't we all very busy?

There is an anxiousness that comes with being busy, that I don't find peaceful. I don't find contentment in my soul surrounding my hurried life. So I have been thinking a lot about how I should view and manage this busy life I hold onto.

I've been thinking a lot about Jesus and the disciples and how busy they were. In light of my own response to a busy life, I've been trying to learn from Jesus and his early followers how they handled busy-ness.

No doubt they were busy. Jesus had 3 years of full-time ministry. 3 years to change a whole paradigm of thinking. 3 years to set the world spinning in a new direction. To add to that, he had 12 very needy people (his disciples) who were close to him bombarding him with questions, misunderstanding his vision, and at times not helpful at all. Oh yes, and then there were the THOUSANDS of people following Jesus, touching him, asking for healing, asking for stuff, asking questions. He had the stress of accusations against him and the knowledge of how his life on earth was going to end. He had weddings and funerals to attend, the temple to go to, Pharisees to deal with, and transportation to all of these events, at BEST, was a donkey. Even then He was surrounded by crowds throwing branches in His way :)

With all this (and so much more), He still found time to fast and pray and commune with his Father, daily and often.

Jesus' disciples were also very busy people. After Jesus returned to the Father, the disciples still had a lot to do. Spread the Gospel to all nations was their commission. Do this without a stable income and without a permanent home. Do this all within the limitations of the Roman government and Jewish culture. Oh yes and to add to their to-do list, they had the urgency that the worldly rule, as they knew it, was going to end during their lifetime, and they had to spread the Gospel quickly. (we should still have this urgency). They had to maintain relationships, meet with leaders, write letters, serve others, walk everywhere. Teach, disciple, confront, and love others. They were very busy people.

And I'm a very busy person. I don't know how much our lives have changed when it comes to busy-ness. There has and will be lots of stuff to do. But why am I feeling unsettled by my busy-ness? Clearly, based on all the stuff that Jesus and his disciples had to do, having lots of stuff to do is not necessarily wrong. The busy-ness is not necessarily what causes my anxiousness and discontentment.

So how did they do it? How did Jesus and the disciples have peace and contentment?
How did they have time to do all these things with love and gentleness? How did they have patience with slow converts? How did they maintain relationships despite all the tasks they had?

That is what I've been studying and exploring. I have a few thoughts on it that I would like to share and like even more to have some input on what you all think. So welcome to part I of a series of posts entitled "So You Are Busy? What Else is New?"

Shark Week Conversations

2009-08-08T23:13:00.002-05:00

I'm a big shark week fan. Discovery Channel shows a week of shark shows always in August. I used to announce it to my classes when I taught English. That was one of the first things they learned about me as I introduced myself to a new class of students -- I really like Shark Week.

So West now is old enough to join me in this interest of mine. I use some discretion when watching it with him. We skip over the shows entitled "Top 10 Shark Survivor Stories" or The Deadliest Waters" and go for the more mild ones entitled "The Great White Appetite" or "Shark after Dark"

Watching Shark Week with West has prompted many interesting conversations I'll share with you:

Swimming in the pool with my boys, I swim up to Creed yelling "Shark is going to get you!"
West snaps to attention and asks "Shark? What kind of shark?"
Clearly demonstrating his newly acquired abilities to decipher varieties of shark.

Cautiously watching the movie Babe, West got very upset when Maa the Goat dies. He rushes to me sobbing, crying to me "I don't like this movie. It is too scary. I want to watch the sharks now"

And it wouldn't be a conversation with West without something philosophical.

While watching "Great White Appetite":
"Mommy, why did God make seals?"

"Well, to show everyone how creative He is and for us to enjoy all the interesting animals"

"Oh. He also made them so sharks could eat them"

"No. God didn't want that at first. See that picture of a lion and a lamb sitting together? That is the way God wants it"

"Yeah. Like when Jesus comes back. Sharks and seals will cuddle."

"Yes West. Sharks and seals will cuddle" :)

First Catch

2009-07-07T20:32:00.007-05:00

We went to a good friend's house for the 4th of July. He has an amazing place - perfect to relax and enjoy good friends. Our family had a great time and West and Creed went fishing for the first time.I remember catching minnows as one of the most fun things to do as a kid when fishing. Now, it makes me gag at the thought of picking one of those filthy, slimy things. Not sure what happened to me over the years.
I just kept envisioning my boys squishing their guts out. I encouraged them to get their hands wet and play with them, but I couldn't watch it.After much patience, West was rewarded with his first catch. He reeled it in himself.And like a true fishman, his tale of the fight and length of the catch was grandiose.

We Get Messy. We Clean Up

2009-07-02T14:44:00.007-05:00

I have no aversion at all of getting messy with my boys. Don't mind at all, especially when it is entertaining for me too, which it usually is.

The idea of fingerpainting on paper morphed into fingerpainting outside and then why not fingerpaint with their bodies as the paper. I wanted to dump out the pool water anyway.

So we got messy . . . . .

Really messy.

Out of control messy.
And then we cleaned up. Into the pool!After this, we dumped the water, and made soapy mess of ourselves. Lots of fun.

Creed's Birthday

2009-07-02T14:41:00.002-05:00

Happy Birthday Creed! We had an Elmo Splash Party for Creed.

Honest to Goodness, Genuine Photo

2009-06-15T17:59:00.002-05:00

I didn't bribe or yell or coerce or anything to get these boys to both look at the camera and smile at the same time. They just did it on their own. A first.

May I Direct Your Attention . . . . .

2009-06-08T18:37:00.002-05:00

May I direct your attention to another blogsite that I'm co-authoring so that you may hear more of the divine appointments we had in Zeway, Ethiopia. www.showmezeway.blogspot.com

A dream fulfilled going to Africa, and the beauty of this one??? I'm pretty sure I'll get to dream that one again.

The O'Possum

2009-06-08T18:36:00.002-05:00

My city-slicker husband just pulled a possum out of our grill with a pair of tongs and threw it into an ice chest.

Oh, how I wished I had a picture of this to share with everyone :) :) :)

On the Eve of Fulfilling a Dream

2009-05-23T22:14:00.002-05:00

Do you have a top 5 list of things you want to do in life? I do and they are as follows:

1. Adopt children (done, but need more :)
2. Be in a rubber raft in Alaska when a whale nearby surges to the surface for air (I want to "feel" how big they are.)
3. Travel to Africa
4. Eat as much unbaked Duncan Hines cake mix as I want
5. have a magazine cover worthy backyard.

I know these may seem kind of random, but sometimes there isn't much rhyme or reason why there are things in life you want. Sometimes there are volumes of experiences leading up to it that answer the question why.

So I've done 1. adopt children, and eating a cake mix is at my fingertips to do . . . probably when I feel secure enough with body image that one will happen.

The other ones take a little more time and planning and alignment of life circumstances.

But tonight, I am on the eve of fulfilling another lifelong dream and that is going to Africa. Tomorrow we fly to Ethiopia.

Feels good to be on the eve of a dream.

Friday Night's Entertainment

2009-05-15T19:12:00.004-05:00

One person's fun is another toad's misery. Today, Daddy found a toad in the yard. I think it is the camera shot that every mom or dad is looking for when they are the parents of two boys:

I did make the boys let the toad go before they went to bed. I did not want it to have the same fate as the dozens of rolypolys of late. I told them that it would live happily under our deck. I forgot to mention that the mommy snake of the 8 baby snakes we found under the deck would probably enjoy him for dinner. Let's hope mommy snake or her babies 8 never make a blog post.

Where Have I Been?

2009-04-23T20:47:00.003-05:00

This certainly has not been the blog of the year. Posts are sporadic and at times rather bland -- I'm ashamed of my last post entitled "Easter 09". How will that ever reel in blog readers?

But I do have excuses which I will lay out for you, of course.

1. I have a second child. Funny how the work doubles when you bring home Baby #2. (or for those more traditional child bearers 'when you birth Baby #2' - please see post "Adoption Language)

2. Matt and I, along with 4 other families are on a team that leads an orphan and adoption ministry called Bridges of Grace. The adoption ministry side of things has been going strong for about 3 years now, but last fall we did a big church-wide push for the orphan care ministry. Oh wow! Was God ever present!

God moved in the hearts of the people at our church and extravagantly provided almost triple of what we needed to start a project caring for 48 orphan-led households in Zeway, Ethiopia. My passions have always been in the orphan care side of this ministry -- seeing as how it impacts the most orphans. Every believer is called to be involved in orphan care.

And so, I will direct your attention to another blog I contribute to and that is www.showmezeway.blogspot.com for more info about what we are doing.

So those are my excuses. I promise when we start the process for Baby #3, I will more regularly post. Selfishly, we want the prayers!

Easter 09

2009-04-23T20:32:00.004-05:00

Easter was enjoyed this year at our house with Matt's sister, Mom and Grandad. It was a beautiful day.

eThe Hunters (Nieces and Nephews, West and Creed)

Adoption Language

2009-03-30T14:08:00.003-05:00

There is a language that I use that is different than the usual mom of 2 children. It rolls off my tongue and I'm not sure how many people catch on or if they think about it later. Two lines that I say often that is different than the bio mom is this:

Whenever I'm relating to when my children entered our family, I do not say "when West was born". I say "when West came home . . . ." A little different if you are paying attention.

A little more humorous that I notice I say-- I said it to the paint store man yesterday-- is when someone says something like "2 boys? Do you have any girls?"

and I respond with "No, but we are thinking about getting one"

Potty training update

2009-03-09T20:43:00.002-05:00

For those of you who are cheering Creed on --we've had success - twice! Today, he sat for another hour on the pottie (moved into the kitchen now for mom's sanity), and this time there was victory. He was happy to get a milk dud for his efforts.

When a Strong Will is Helpful

2009-02-26T19:53:00.005-06:00

I didn't plan on trying to potty train Creed today, but I mentioned to him that M&M's would be involved when he did go potty. Creed took it upon himself to try to go today. He started on the big potty in the bathroom, but when the rest of us wanted to go outside, he opted for this makeshift bucket with a potty topper.

Creed on the potty: 3:24 P.M.

Creed going strong; reading a book to pass the time: 3:45 P.M. A little snack of grapes should pass the time: 3:56 P.M.

Brother West, like the trainer in the boxing ring, gives Creed a little pep talk and tries to expedite the situation: 4:14 P.M.The sun has shifted and Creed needs a little shade: 4:28 P.M.

Creed getting a little discouraged: 4:34 P.M.
Call it: 1 hour and 13 minutes Creed sat on the potty. Without getting up. Now that is what you call ring around the bottom.
Lose the potty. Maybe going on the grass will motivate.

The cry of defeat. No potty today. Back in diapers and really mad about it. :)

Hmmm . . . good question

2009-02-24T21:50:00.001-06:00

West after we read Genesis 1:

"So if God created everything, who made God????"

Happy Gotcha Day Creed!

2009-02-17T21:31:00.004-06:00

On Jan 31, Creed has been home for a year. Happy Gotcha Day Creed!!!Mommy loves Creed!
Creed loves cupcakes!

Breaking the Code

2009-01-25T21:51:00.003-06:00

Creed's language skills are increasing very well. He quickly caught up within 6 months or so of coming home and now has the challenging dialect of a two year old. But I've cracked his 2 year old language code and really it is quite simple.

So here is the code: Take a 2 syllable word and say the first syllable twice. Examples as follows:

Baby Jesus = Creed says "baby JeJe"
Raisin = "ray ray"
Dora = "Dor Dor"
Puppy = "pup pup"
Manta Ray = man man ray
African Children's Choir = "Af Ch,Ch, Choi Choi" (this one took me a long, long time to decode)

Surprising how consistent he is with this code. Context is still everything though. For instance, with the word "pizza"

Pizza = pi pi

Now this is also the word the boys use for a body part so it is important to know context. It can really foul up your interpretation if you do not know the context in which the word is being used :)

Christmas with the Kouris

2009-01-24T19:18:00.011-06:00

Finally getting our Christmas pics up. Here is a montage of the Kouri family Christmas: Getting ready to go to Grandma's. We pulled out an x-large suitcase. They played for a good hour going to various countries to get a sister. Daddy is writing a letter to Santa on Christmas Eve.Family movie night. All the kids wear new pajamas on Christmas Eve Santa knows when you are sleeping. He knows when two boys are faking it too.While visions of sugarplums and milkbones dance in their heads (I love my Langley)Time to unwrap PRESENTS!Happy Birthday Jesus cake "Happy birfday, baby gigi" says Creed.While 17 people wait for their Christmas dinner, Creed asks Grandma to read him a book. Naturally, Grandma halts everything and plops down right where she's at to read Creed a book. This is one example of why parents must spend 2 weeks "detoxing" their children from Grandma hangovers once they return back to their home schedule.

Creed received a dancing "yo gabba gabba" doll for Christmas. We don't watch the show, but have seen enough of it. If you have seen it, you know that Creed's slightly shocked and fearful face is appropriate.

West's first bottle of Christmas pop. West finally noticed this year that Mommy occasionally indulges in a Dr. Pepper (okay frequently, not occasionally) . So he decided that when he turned 4, Santa would bring him pop for Christmas. We do have a tradition of getting Christmas pop from Santa (yes, even us older kids), so West was christened this year with his first pop. (He drank two sips and announced that it was "spicy". I think this was the carbonation.

So he finally asked . . . .

2009-01-20T20:44:00.002-06:00

West did it tonight. He asked me the question. One I had thought a lot about, but knew I would never be prepared for.

Prompted by the story of Rebekah and Isaac having twins, West asked me "who's tummy did I come from?"

There it was. The big question all adoptive parents wonder when and how they will answer it.

Feeling like a loser, I could not remember West's birthmom's name. So I said to him " you came from a lady's tummy in Russia"

"who is she?" said West.

"I'm sorry hon. I don't remember her name. do you want me to go look it up really quick?"

West: yes.

So I jump up and go to his baby book and look up his birth mother's name. As I walk back I'm calming my nerves and preparing for a lengthy conversation about this person that means the world to both of us, but whom we know nothing about.

I go back to West and say, "What was the question you asked?"

W: We were talking about babies in tummies.

Me: oh yeah. Well, the name of the lady who had you in her tummy was ______

W: oh. How was I in there? Like this? (west curls up in a little ball)

Me:( smiling.) Yes. You were curled up like a little ball

W: How big was I?

Me: oh about this big (showing how big with my hands)

W: Who did you have in your tummy?

Me: Well, Daddy and I decided not to have anyone in my tummy. Remember, families can adopt or have babies from their tummies.

W: How did I come out of her tummy? did I wiggle and kick?

Me: hmmm???

W: How did I come out of her tummy?

Me: (totally not prepared for this question) Well, you wiggled and kicked out.

W: but how?

Me: ummm . . .. well babies just come out of tummies (HE'S FOUR. I CAN'T TELL HIM THE DETAILS THAT CAUSED ME TO WANT TO ADOPT WAAAY BEFORE I KNEW GOD'S PLAN FOR US!!!!!!!!)

W: How do they get out?

Me: God helps them out

W: How do they get out?

Me: God helps them out

W: Am I going to school tomorrow?

So I don't know if West's questions were about his birth mother or about where babies come from. Either way, I am emotionally and mentally exhausted after this 3 minute conversation.

Humbled by the Decisions

2008-12-31T15:07:00.002-06:00

We are continuing to research countries and seeking God's will where Baby #3 is. As things get complicated, and paths are narrowed, I am humbled by the heaviness of the decision we are making and the great need to hear God's voice directing us.

I mean, we are looking around the globe for a child. Really?! It is humbling that we are even allowed to do such a thing. And then there is the factor of gender, age, etc. Who am I to have preferences in this?

There is a mix of excitement, confusion, anxiousness and handfuls of "what are we doing??"
I do enjoy being in this place :)

Merry He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named-Mas

2008-12-14T16:53:00.002-06:00

I know this must be an old complaint, but my goodness, are you continuing to notice the lack of the word Christmas these days??

I think it was 2 years ago when Target and Walmart and other stores decided to advertise Holiday Trees instead of Christmas trees and the like, but they have gone back on that. They do use the word Christmas in their advertising.

But there may not be a return on this one. I watch the Food Network often and they have Holiday cookies and Holiday decorations.

We had a Holiday Party in our home the other day. Sales people don't even say anything anymore as you leave the store.

So I was thinking about this and it reminded me of Lord Voldemort in Harry Potter. The wizards and witches are so scared of him that they do not even speak his name. When they talk of him they call him "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named"

Interesting. . . . Are we so fearful of Christ's name that we can't even speak His name anymore? A different take on why we have to use the word Holiday now instead of Christmas.

Isn't that just how Satan would have it?

A Norman Rockwell Afternoon

2008-12-05T19:16:00.004-06:00

There was a chill in the air and the fireplace was ablaze. Nat King Cole was singing The First Noel. West and I were having a wonderful time decorating our gingerbread houses.
West did a great job. I gave him a tube of royal icing (which should have warning labels like that of superglue -- It is edible cement) and bowls of candies. It wasn't until he completed his creation that he began gobbling candy.
We may have found West a career in this. He was good at it.

And here is my creation. Not bad for a first time. I know I have another Christmas tradition to add to the list. This was a lot of fun.

The Off Button

2008-12-01T23:08:00.002-06:00

So Creed is throwing a fit about something. He is really good at this.

I try to distract him by giving him a toy which he promptly throws across the room.

I try to threaten him with a time-out if he doesn't stop - to which he replies "yeah tata. yeah tata" (which in his 2 year old speak can be translated to mean 'yeah time-out -bring it on mom'

So then I try a comforting and distracting strategy. I start singing a song to help him forget his irritation.

He stops crying, walks up to me, takes his pointy finger and presses it on my knee and exclaims "off, Mommy, off"

I've just been turned "off" by my 2 year old.

Creed now uses this feature on mommy often when he gets tired of her singing and talking.